Archive for April, 2010

Nostalgic Quips X

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on April 22, 2010 by Dev!l

Alright, so its pre class hours and we 10 guys are sitting outside our center on benches. A beggar comes by, now this guy is different from the usual beggars as he is deaf and mute. So to convey his message he gives cards on which the usual, “I can’t talk I have kids sisters” etc is written. To give us some time to read he quickly distributed the cards and left to collect cards and hopefully some cash from some guys sitting a little far from us. After 3 minutes the guy returned and using sign language asked us for the cards and some cash. Usually we all are pretty generous but this guy was a regular and seriously none of us felt like giving anything to that guy. After collecting the cards he stood there so to make him go away a classmate took the initiative and took a 5 rupee coin out of his pocket and handed it to him. That guy placed it on his hand and asked for more. We all ignored again and the guy who gave the 5 rupee coin signaled that that’s all you gonna get buddy. The guy signaled in sign language what I believe to be, “Fitta mun tera zaleel insane” slammed the coin on the table and left. O.o Strange ain’t it o.O.

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A Senseless University Rant

Posted in Rants on April 21, 2010 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: Just another totally senseless rant ^^

I am sick of universities… my university to be particular. Now, don’t get the notion that I am one of those pessimistic morons who only go to an educational institute because they are forced to by their parents get in your head. Though I am not far from those people yet I do value education. I do value the effort my parents put in each day just so that I can get my degree.

Now, which university do I go to? Well its name is University of the Punjab or as it is more commonly known in Pakistan, Punjab University. It is one of the oldest and one of the most prestigious institutions in Pakistan and apparently the only good government university near my city. It supposedly has one of the best humanities section in the country which is also accompanied by the science section (non engineering) in rankings a little farther down the list. Not to brag but this institution is told to produce many bright students who go on to be the movers and shakers of our nation.

That was the bright side… Movers and shakers of the nation… sounds good doesn’t it? To be studying in such a university where they take in a normal you, polish your talents and hone your skills to such a level that the whole nation bows before your knowledge and wisdom? WRONG!!! As far as I have experienced my university they don’t embellish normal beings! They do not impart something magical on their students! They just take in a lot of coal and in that coal there are bound to be some jewels. As far as I know and have experienced every university is like that. They do not polish any talent or hidden skills they just work you to what you already have discovered in your own self and try to give some knowledge to you.

Now you may ask why do I use the word try? Well honestly speaking many of the teachers in this oh so prestigious institute can not explain something if their life depended on it. Many of them are so narrow minded that they do not respect or promote creativeness. Many of them are so clung to their own glorious past that they fail to truly appreciate a student. Many of them just teach not to make a difference but to earn and if you at this very moment give them a better job they are bound to leave what they do in an instant without even stopping to say goodbye.

To be quite honest these professors are the nice ones. At least they were good students. Now, there are many who were never good in studies, which always went to class at the end of it for attendance. Who used to pass each examination barely by using almost any means they could. The only reason they are teachers are due to student politics. They were active leaders or active members of some student political parties which as we all know are backed by our politicians. The result? Well thanks to their friends in the right places they were appointed a lecturer. Good no? Well it doesn’t stop there. These morons were never creative enough to write their own thesis or have their own research work published so what did they do? They stole… yes they sucked on the brilliance of the students they had and stole their ideas and their researches from them. Heck, if you know no one is going to say a word to what you do and any complaints against you would be silenced… then honestly would you work long and hard? Would you put in the painstaking hours of research? Sadly most of us won’t.

Apparently this is how this PRESTIGIOUS University is. If not being run by the political parties it is being run by the clerks. Want admission? Pay the clerk some cash under the table and voila you are in the class. Want the cell phone number and email Id of everyone in class? Easy befriend the clerk! Want to get something done? Either beg the clerk or keep on trying for a week before it happens. Or my personal favorite… BECOME A GIRL

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the University of the Punjab! Where apparently being a chick accounts for a lot from getting good grades to getting things done… You can get anyone expelled just by writing an application saying this guy insulted me or at least suspended. Where you can get the teacher to tell you the bloody question paper in advance. Or again my personal favorite… cheat all you like during the examination. Prestigious indeed!

So when would they really wake up and realize that what they are running here is not a university but an effing hellhole filled with hatred and pure corruption? My bet is well almost when hell freezes over. Oh and please do I a favor… the next time someone tells you that you only need to work hard till you get in a university, then everything will be fine and you will keep on passing? Well please tell that person to shut the hell up! Sorry to break your dream but they would work you to death here.  The only difference between them and Hitler is that perhaps Hitler gave time to his troops for a lunch break.

So in the end of this senseless rant all I can say is don’t get your hopes too high just how you hear something is… because the grass is definitely not greener on the other side…

A Little Presentation on Slang

Posted in Articles on April 5, 2010 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: This is a little speech/presentation i wrote for someone. Now I know it ain’t that great but lately I have nothing else to publish so this is just to keep the ball rolling.

YO homies!!! WASSSUUUUUUPPP!!!

Now, 15 years ago if I would had said this phrase it wouldn’t had been long since I would had been forced to enroll in a mental asylum. But today I can stand here and say this with many of you thinking that, “Damn that boy’s got it goin’ on!” This is the topic of my speech today… Slang.

Oxford Dictionary describes slang as very informal words and expressions that are more common in spoken language. Or more comprehensively it’s the art of speaking in such a way that often the person conversing with you has no idea what so ever what you are saying. E.g. what would be the first thing that would come to your mind when a person your talking to at a party suddenly says, “Aw shnap, son. Check out the fine ass sho-tee rockin’ all dat ice.” … Didn’t get that? Well neither did I the first time I heard it. Translated or in dope terms it means, “Hello, my good sir. Take a gander at the beautiful woman wearing the expensive jewels.”

Alright, that sounded more stupid either way I know. But still at least this way the person you’re talking to would think you’re a social outcast instead of thinking you’re a certified WHACKJOB!!!

Now don’t get me wrong I am not an anti slang personality but there should be a limit to everything. For example nowadays the word FUCK is thrown around a lot. You can basically use it to explain anything… For example, man this speech is so fucking boring… FUCK I screwed up… etc etc…

But seriously the time, place and the person being addressed should be considered… I mean what the principal would say if I stand up to his face and say, sorry homie I fucked up… let me off the hook yo… I won’t fuck again… if I can say something about it all I could would be… What the fuck was that…

Getting serious, slang started as the language of the uneducated. That means people with low vocabulary started this language and today it has nearly taken over almost all languages. It has nearly destroyed the English language and the funny thing is that each year the dictionary people add new slang terms to the English language to stop the mutilation of their oh so beautiful language but each year the number of educated morons increase and so does the slang language.

Slang apart from being senseless and stupid at many times is also degrading. Let me tell you addressing women as ho’s, shawtee, bitch etc is NOT hip and cool. If you are a girl and you find this attractive then please I am not sorry to say Please raise your standards… You can do better.

Now, again I am not anti slang… In pro slang I would like to say that yes it does increase the informality between friends and yes I admit that it does kinda sound cool sometimes. I mean seriously… the word WAZZUUUPPP is so much fun to say. Come on just say it with me for the fun of it… WAZZZUUPPP… Slang also does make our point to be understood more easily to the mentally slow. E.g. instead of saying hey your shoe lace’s aglet is broken, if I say the doohookie at the end of your shoe lace is broken would sound more represent able and easy to understand to many of us.

Some slang expressions are euphemisms. Many older people use euphemisms for bodily functions, e.g. spend a penny, powder your nose, visit the bathroom. Some common serious diseases have slang names which are lighter in tone than the formal name, e.g. the big C for cancer. Somebody with a bad heart has a dicky ticker. People use expressions like pass away or pop your clogs to refer to dying. In business, some companies, instead of sacking or firing an employee, may speak of letting them go or dehiring them. Job titles can make a job sound more important than it is. A person who does repair work used to be called a handyman or repairman, but now may be called a facilities technician. So instead of telling a person he is a total asinine and an ignoramus. You can simply say that he is a moronic jackass.

So, all I ask of people is that to use the slang that is more acceptable and do watch the company you speak the slang in. But then again there are many terms which are so commonly used by us that we have forgotten that they are slang terms. Usage of those terms is fine but excessive use of ho, bitch, fuck and other degrading terms is not only offensive but also makes you sound like a total douchebag.

Thank you for your time.

Who Am I?

Posted in Articles on April 2, 2010 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: This article may seem a little too much self praising and long but to me its just who I am and honestly this article is not long… for I am way more than whats told in this article… this is just you can say the first chapter of who I am… Don’t worry the rest of me is not to be told about…

I’ve lost count the number of times I have been asked that very same question over and over again. The same haunting question which is slowly, yet indefinitely, driving me insane. The question that has been asked from me by almost everyone I know. May it be my enemy, my closest friend or some minor acquaintance I have the pleasure (or displeasure) of knowing. The question… “Who are you?”

In olden literature you often come across the philosophy that to be successful one needs to understand who and what he truly is. So, here today I ask my self and perhaps all of you the very same question… Who am I?

Now, as many of you might have guessed this is a rhetorical question. The answer is something that is like a novice translators babblings, a little vague but nonetheless I hope to satisfy my internal demon that yes, I know who I am!

So, who am I? I am not a saint… yet I often find myself helping people I feel close to or often I find myself feeling sad for someone drenched in the rain from the dark clouds of despair. Often do I find myself helping someone from the shadows without sometimes even my own conviction.

On the other hand… I am not a sinner either… yet I often find myself having these sudden urges to inflict deep excruciating pain on someone just because that person is getting on my nerves. Often do I find myself plotting and sometimes even executing plans for revenge, despair and sorrow. Often do I find myself enjoying seeing people in pain.

By religion I have been dubbed as a Muslim yet often do I find myself not obeying the will of Allah. Often do I, find myself skipping prayers and giving in to the will of my inner Satan just because it sounds more fun. So am I not a Muslim? If not then why do I often say my prayers just out of fear of that Omnipotent power in the vast skies above…? Why do I ask for forgiveness and everything I need from Him?

Perhaps I am selfish… As I do what I feel is right and not care for others. But if I am selfish then why do I believe that ends do not justify the means. Why do I think of what I have gained and how I gained it if the only thing that should matter to me is I?

I am not a coward… yet I often find myself fearing from some unknown fear that lurks in the shadows… often do I find myself curling up in fear of some unknown entity out to swallow me.

I am not a brave person either… yet I often find myself standing up for what I believe in… often do I find myself staring into the eyes of an enemy far stronger than I, yet not even feeling the need or want to back away even an inch.

I do not hate my country… yet often do I sit and pity the soil and people of my country… often do I sit and criticize the system that runs this very soil… often do I just stand and watch my country burn and speak nothing.

I do not love my country… yet always do I stand when I hear the national anthem of my country… often do I argue with people about what this soil has given us and what have we given back… often do I sit and just feel proud of the fact that yes, I am a Pakistani and I rather die here as a pauper than to die elsewhere as a prince.

I do not love people… yet often do I show great signs of affection for some people… often do I find myself protecting some people without any concern for my own safety… often do I find myself touching people without expecting anything in return…

I do not hate people… yet often do I criticize them harshly… often do I without caring for their condition show them the error of their ways in a blunt, arrogant way… often do I find myself ignoring them to the very limit that they feel that they do not exist…

I am not insane… yet often do I talk to myself… often do I sit and give myself company for hours and hours… often do I disappear into my imagination… often do I find myself doing things which in the eyes of a sane person have no explanation… often do I find myself talking to the walls and expecting them to answer back…

I am not sane… yet often do I find myself giving people advise… often do I find myself sitting and pondering over different issues that plague us…

Guess that makes me a kind of a hypocrite… Well that is what I thought of myself too… until I took the courage to look deeper… the courage to ask myself the question, “why?” Why do I behave this way? Why the different aspects of my personality? Am I clinically sick? Do I suffer from a case of multiple personalities? Perhaps … perhaps not… trust me I am not a psychiatrist but I do know why…

I find myself sitting and pondering over different plaguing issues as I still can feel… I still can feel what we truly were and what have we turned into… I can still feel the aura of sickness that surrounds us and I can not stay ill… I cannot remain in disgust with my race for long… I cannot sit idly and watch as humanity perils into an everlasting abyss of darkness and corruption… that is why I advise people… that is why I try to help them lighten their burdens in the hope that perhaps they might suffer less with this wretched wench known as life…

I talk to myself or the walls because sometimes I fail to see any hope in humanity… I fail to see the intellect and emotions a human should delineate… that is when I have to contract into my imagination… to see things as I want them to be… to see a better tomorrow and plan for it and who else would know that tomorrow better than my own self?

I am mean to people because I refuse to be a part of this lying and corrupt system. I refuse to lie to someone just because it might make them feel better for an instance… I refuse to laugh behind their back… If I must laugh I rather do it on their face. I must show them their wrongs for if I don’t what difference is there between me and them? I refuse to sugarcoat my opinion because that is something that this world taught me… the harsher you are the more you are heard…

I do not love people… but I do love my friends and family… I find myself protecting them as they are the closest thing I have that saves me from going insane… Those people who make me what I am… they are the reasons I get the courage to get out of bed and face the world each and every day… So, I may lie and say I love them equally but I won’t… there are some which I love more than others and for them I do tend to do some unnoticeable special things… but then again this is something very humane…

I am a patriot… at least in my eyes. I am the kind of a patriot that refuses to go with the flow. I refuse to do something unless I see the point behind it. I am the kind of patriot that would rather pray for the safety of his country on 23rd March than to place a picture of a flag as my display picture on some God forsaken social networking site just because everyone is doing it does not make it good enough and sense full enough for me to do it. I find myself sitting quietly because that is the moment I am honoring the death of those who fell in the way of good. Those who gave their lives… I find myself thinking of how to raise a concerning voice rather than to post a status or to watch some disturbing video… I rather sign a legitimate petition than to put on a status that every moron in this country is copy pasting thinking that this is a very patriotic thing to do…

I am neither a coward nor a fighter… I stand for what I believe to be right. I will stand for what I believe in no matter how strong of an opponent threatens me… I fight not for fun but for purpose… I rather use my brain as a weapon than to use a sword… Honestly there are some times when I DO misuse my weapon but that again often inflict no permanent wounds. I do not fear the dark but I do fear the darkness of the future… I do fear the long and desolate road we are travelling… for no man is without fear… But I do not cower for long. I gird up my lions and soon stare back into the eye of the storm with a smile that simply says, “Do your worst… I am ready.”

I am not selfish but about some things I do intend to get a little possessive sometimes as after all the human side of me is still very much alive. I do intend to get a little clingy to some things I love or cherish. Often these usually include only memories shared with my close friends, family etc.

By religion I have been dubbed a Muslim… and even if I sometimes may not act it but I do try to fit the image of a Muslim. I do give into the will of Satan. I do sometimes do things that come back to haunt me in the future, but I hold no regrets for I believe that what ever wrongs I did I must pay the price in this life or the other. I ask for everything I need from Allah because I know that He is the only one who can provide me with what I need. I believe in His omnipotence alone.

I am not a sinner yet I am not a saint… I tread the path in between the two and often choose the path which offers me more excitement as to me monotony is boring… I am an explosive who needs to light himself in order to serve the purpose of his inner demon. I do things in a way that make people refer to me as “eccentric”. I help people from the shadows to satisfy my internal curiosity… I am mean to many also for the reason of satisfying my thirst for knowledge… knowledge of how people react… of how they deal with different problems. I find myself often dwindling between evil and good just because it is fun… I am like an angel in some circles and in others I am a demon that must be avoided at all costs… perhaps that is why I chose my nick way back… perhaps I guess that nick defined me back then and even now … I am Dev!l…