Archive for July, 2011

I: The Proud Pakistani

Posted in Rants with tags , on July 24, 2011 by Dev!l

Uh an article I wish for people to read if you haven’t…

http://dastatic.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/i-the-proud-pakistani/#comment-376

Common Family Maniacs II

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on July 6, 2011 by Dev!l

Well last time I missed some of the common family maniacs so here I am back again to describe some more of those nutty fiascos you have the pleasure to call family.

The Match-Maker

Well, as the name suggests these people have nothing better to do than to come up with suggestions for the marriage of girls/boys. In the past this characteristic was only found in old females of the family who had nothing better to do but to ruin lives. They only used to discuss the marriage proposals of girls but with time this has started being applied to males too. And the funny thing is not only the guy/girl they “dig up” is going to be “perfect” for you but apparently they also know your nature and what you would like in the opposite gender. Yes if the person is rich then they are going to be the “one” for you!!! If you are one of those persons then I have only one advice for you, “GET A FREAKING LIFE OF YOUR OWN!”

The Whiner

Of course the whiner, how can any family be complete without this masterpiece of nature’s freakishness? He is the guy who would whine about almost anything that he can find from going on an outing to losing in family board games. Please, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN! Sure it was real cute when you used to do it like at the age of 4 but from there on you look like a joke! GROW UP YOU IDIOT!

The “In my day” Guy

These people disgust me the most! Their speech usually starts with “in my day” or “when I was your age”. Seriously when Napoleon was my age he was the king of France now go compare yourself with him and leave me alone!!! No, I really don’t care how you were the top dog when you were young neither do I care how good things were in your day, if you are a big loser now doesn’t mean you have the right to make people listen to your “glory” days. THEY ARE OVER AND YOU SHOULD SERIOUSLY MOVE ON!!!

Mr./Miss Right

Now these people are not to be confused with “in my day” people. These people are the jackasses who always believe they are right. They get their kicks out of comparing everything with themselves and how they are so much better. I really hate these people. To them anything they own is the world’s best and one of a kind perhaps they are unfamiliar with the phenomena of “mass production”. If you are one of those people, then here is a secret: “No one likes you, your life interests us the same as that of a dead sloth. Sure whatever we own is really crappy now go jump of a bridge.”

The Know it All

No they are not relatives of Hermione Granger but are just sad excuse of living beings that always do everything but to mind their own business. No matter what you are talking about they are going to add something on the subject. No, it’s not something really cool or knowledgeable because more than half of the time they are simply wrong or just sound stupid. But no, they must act like they are the walking impersonation of a combination of the encyclopedia’s Wikipedia, Britannica and Encarta! Seriously, how more lame can you get seeking attention?

The Over Affectionate People

Ever went to a family function to be targeted by a lady or an uncle who just comes up, yells your name hugs you (if you two are of the same gender) or messes up your hair while saying absurdities about how big you have gotten etc etc. Yea, I mean that is really an accomplishment, you grew up! I mean everyone else usually just does the opposite! OMG you are the reverse of the curious case of Benjamin Button!!! Seriously, fine they have a lot of love to give but why do they have to give that love by ruining your clothes, hair etc? I mean there are other better ways to show that love, I don’t know by something known as a handshake or a friendly prayer?