Archive for September, 2011

A Free Spirit…

Posted in Stories. with tags , , , on September 27, 2011 by Dev!l

In my entire career as an expert psychoanalyst and a psychiatrist, there was no case that interested me more than that of Miss. Matilda. And as I held the report of her demise, I couldn’t feel a certain happiness take over me. Ah, many of you might be surprised at my morbid behavior but then again you don’t know the story. It was the only medicine I couldn’t as a doctor administer to a patient in need.

Wait, this is confusing. Let me start at the beginning… Yes, that very faithful night I was called to preside over a certain, ‘interesting’ case of a patient on whom all methods had failed. Frankly, I was a bit surprised as there was still the option of a lobotomy but somehow the patient didn’t match the criterion. It was on that night, that I was introduced to Matilda. At a first glance, I couldn’t help but wonder how can she be mad? In a single gander, her beauty enthralled me. Her gale didn’t seem like that of any mentally ill person that I ever knew of. Her poise and posture were that of a proper lady, nay that of an angel, gently floating on air.

“Good evening, doctor”, she said with a smile.

“Oh… Yea, sorry got a bit lost there… Good Evening.” I stutteringly replied, clearly baffled by her eloquence.

“A bit lost, are we?”

“No, no… you just caught me off guard… I expected…”

“A raging lunatic yelling frantically at you whilst he drooled more than a dog thirsty for blood?”

“Um, sorry this is highly unprofessional of me. Let’s start over”

“Sure, good evening doctor.”

“Good evening, my name is Dr. Ray.”

“Ah, well you already know mine as you have my case file.”

“Well, to be quite honest I was kind of rushed here so didn’t read much into your file yet.”

“No wonder your eyes don’t deem me as mad.”

“Um, well pardon me for saying so but you hardly seem insane to me. Still, please do tell me about yourself”

“Oh we have a believer? Tell me doctor, do you believe in God?”

To be honest I was a little taken aback by her question… after some silence I responded, “Yes…”

“Do you believe in angels? Other planes of existences?”

“As a man of science, No.”

“But as a man who believes in religion and spirituality you do.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes… your soul restlessly seeks to shed free these constraints of ignorance and ‘science’ that you have put on it… you constantly seek a better explanation.”

“Um…” At this point I was kind of surprised, it was like I was the patient and she, Dr. Freud himself.

“Don’t deny it doctor, I can read brain waves of people.”

“That’s not scientifically possible.”

“Yet, you and I both know it’s true. You and I both want to believe it’s true. The only difference is I do and you don’t.”

“Right, do you know why you are here?”

“Because the world can’t handle spirituality babble in their materialistic life styles. Nor can they stand by and watch anyone out of their realm of ‘normality’.”

“You do know you’re not insane at all. I am quite surprised how they even admitted you in here?”

“A little money, in our materialistic society, goes a very long way doctor.”

“You can always come out and prove you’re not.”

“Let people think what they wish. I am happy here. No one judges me here, they don’t find it weird that I talk with beings that do not belong to this realm of existence, yet are as real as you and me. They don’t mock me when I say I love everything solely because it was created by Him. They don’t doubt that my only true love is up there and not a mere human running in a track wheel after money like a hamster in a cage.”

“I am sorry; I must confess I am confused. Why are you telling me all this?”

“Ah doctor it’s because you are a believer. In your body beats the heart of a lover, in that heart resides a spirit shackled by the norms of society… but it’s a beautiful spirit, it’s alive and not dead like that of the people you dub as ‘sane’.”

“You can’t do this to yourself. You’re only 30 years old.”

“No doctor, I am only 4 years old. For I too was once shackled and callous, it was then He reached out to me. Oh how beautiful He was…”

“You do know many religious enthusiasts would dub this as blasphemy…”

“Oh but you don’t believe them for a moment do you? You also believe that He is everywhere.”

“My beliefs don’t mean anything. Anyhow”

“Oh but they do… Don’t you see, don’t you feel…”

“I am sorry but I will have to write it in my report that you are not insane.”

“It would be referred to someone else then…”

“It’s my duty.”

“You also have a duty to your heart, you don’t fulfill that and yet you wish to do one of mortal bindings?”

I went silent…

“I guess we are done, doctor. Before we end this session, remember the fetters of ignorance always make a man weak and hallow from within. Things would change for you though and you’ll find yourself in a different seat one day. Hope you can live up to it.” She smiled at me and what I think was a wink and left the room.

It has been 10 years since that incident and her words still echo in my heart. A lot has changed since then and now that she has passed away I can only imagine how happy she would be up there with her true love… In the reality that she sought on this earth. The place of…

“Ray, it’s time for your shock therapy.” A voice yelled and I involuntarily got up and as I made my way towards the shock therapy room I couldn’t help but smile at, “He was a brilliant doctor, a pity that he went insane… Says he’s only 3 years old, talks to people who aren’t there. Always babbling about how he wishes to die soon. But I guess if you spend a lot of time with whack jobs you become one yourself.”

40 Boring Things to do when You are Bored

Posted in Funny with tags , , on September 21, 2011 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: Something I whipped up because I was really bored and wanted to test my new keyboard. So, yea don’t bother reading if you don’t want to 😛

Recently I have been getting bored a lot, so to get rid of boredom my mind thought of some quite strange activities. Some of them are whacky, some insane and some just plain “bang your head against the wall”-ish. P.S. The following activities should be performed at your own risk; I do not accept any responsibilities caused by your actions, thank you.

  1. Call your cell phone service guy and ask them out on a date! (Works even better on the same genders)
  2. Call any random number and pretend you’re a pilot addressing the control tower asking permission to land on an airstrip.
  3. Go door to door, ringing the door bell and waiting for someone to open the door. When they do, just ask the time and leave.
  4. Go door to door, and when someone opens the door, yell “I know you killed Kenny” and run away like mad!
  5. Go on the internet and Google naughty words and paste the results on your friends’ walls.
  6. Open Google maps and locate your own house
  7. After locating it, write a letter of recommendation of Google Maps to all your family and friends.
  8. Set an alarm on your cell phone for a particular time. When it goes off, leave everything and laugh continuously for 1 minute and then go back to whatever you were doing. Repeat daily.
  9. Make a schematic drawing of a rock!
  10. Go in a mall and walk on all fours.
  11. Meow after every 20 minutes.
  12. Go to the busiest place you can find, stand at a higher ground, take out a carrot and yell EAT GREEN OR DIE!!!
  13. Follow someone with your finger an inch away from them continuously muttering, “I am not touching you.”
  14. Have a “Who has the biggest booger in their nose” contest!
  15. Go to a public washroom in a restraint, knock on an occupied stall and in the most authoritative voice yell, “This is the police, we have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!”
  16. Same place, this time go in an unoccupied stall and yell “I swear this is the last time I eat doggie treats wrapped in a banana peel”
  17. Same place, this time instead of yelling what’s above giving yourself loud workout encouragement words!
  18. Challenge a chicken to a duel!
  19. Teach a chicken how to duel for that matter!
  20. Hide inside your house waiting for someone to pass by the road outside, when they do run out screaming, “But I love you…” stop stare at the person and then go inside silently.
  21. Solve the mysteries of the jungle with DORA the Explorer!!!
  22. Host a Barney the Purple Dinosaur themed party!
  23. Stand in a mall while wearing a tower on your back while chanting, “Thieves beware! This mall is protected by Superman!”
  24. Glue people’s shoes to the floor.
  25. BE A MIME!
  26. Make a YouTube video of how to make a sling shot by using only underwear.
  27. If you are really feeling brave, go to a pretty 18-27 year old girl and call them “aunty”.
  28. Don’t forget to plan your funeral before attempting number 27.
  29. Check if your keyboard is waterproof or not!
  30. Try to make the “Duck Song” story become a reality with you as the duck!
  31. Walk up to a total stranger and start explaining to them the “Bernoulli Principle”
  32. Go to a busy restaurant and ask each person near your table if the foods good!
  33. If they all reply and you don’t get kicked out run out screaming, “LIARS LIARS!”
  34. Get on a bus, sit down to a person and whisper “Big brother is watching you” and quickly get off.
  35. Hold a funeral for a dead fly!
  36. Read Encyclopedia Britannica in one sitting
  37. Walk around in the street holding a skull, reciting dialogues from hamlet loudly.
  38. Count the number of ants in your house
  39. Count the number of ants in your friends/relative/neighbors house
  40. Bang your head against the wall!

The Whining Never Stops…

Posted in Funny, Rants with tags , , on September 15, 2011 by Dev!l

Before this article or w.e it is starts there is something you should know about me (No, I am not coming out of the closet and saying I am gay). The fact is I am a skinny guy and this somehow bothers my father a lot. So, to fix this problem (as he sees it) he forced me to join a gym. Now, recently my brother has grown fat specially… wait ONLY around the stomach area so it was a double deal: he gets thin and I get a little fatter and put some muscle into my scrawny (as dad puts it) arms. Sounds’ amazing doesn’t it? Maybe for you, definitely not for me.  I am the type of guy who prefers brain power over brawn power. To put it shortly, my philosophy is: “No pain, please no pain.”

But alas, my philosophy was something dad didn’t quite understand. So, in a matter of days I was “admitted” into the local gym with my brother. Now, the first impression of gym that comes to people’s minds is physically fit guys with 6 packs working out. However, that was not the case, there were guys but physically fit? Don’t know how. Almost many of them had huge muscles, a broad chest and a belly popping out of their body. Apparently summer time is their “weight gaining” time whatever that means. Now, the real funny part was that these muscle men would lift weights with ease but would start wincing at the slightest of aerobic exercises. I mean seriously, I saw guys taking every shortcut/wrong less hurtful routine when it came to aerobics and basic PT. Seriously, WTF is up with that? I mean that’s the only exercise I don’t mind doing or actually like.

However the torture began and each day against my will I am tortured. Yes you heard me! TORTURE!!! It is my theory that the place known as the “gym” was actually a torture chamber invented by Mussolini and Hitler to torture the people who dared to speak against them! The only side effect was that those poor, tortured souls that survived somehow got stronger… SCREW YOU GYM MAKER! You fascist Nazi!

Oh you think I would be done? But of course not! Not only that place is a torture chamber but they just have to make absolutely sure that you are suffering to the max by playing songs like “Baby – Justin Beiber”, “Amplifier – Imran” and “Barbie Girl – Aqua” etc. If by chance any good song sneaks past their “worst songs in the history of music” software by then the ears are too numb to recognize it and the brain categorizes it as a bad song. Perhaps this explains why I don’t like the new Rahat Fateh Ali Khan of the movie “Bodyguard”.

And the attitude on the people there? Don’t get me started, just because they have muscles they think that they own the world. Now I get the stereotype that why all douche bags are muscled people who just go around showcasing classic asinine behavior. Well perhaps I am being too harsh, some of the people are nice don’t get me wrong but still if you dislike a place you dislike anything that is remotely linked with it so yea, DOWN WITH YOU, YOU MUSCULAR PEOPLE!!!

Damn it feels so good to whine and let it all out!

P.S. This was just to let my anger out but still I HATE GYM but curiously I still love aerobics and PT o.O

Stop, Look and Listen… Please Listen

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on September 13, 2011 by Dev!l

Below is a speech by Charlie Chaplain that was a part of the 1940’s movie, “The Great Dictator”. Now, usually I don’t share videos on my personal blog but somethings are just to beautiful that not sharing them with the world seems like a terrible waste. The following was one of them, the sheer beauty and eloquence of the speech moved me to the verge of tears. Enough words from me, just watch.

Speech:

I’m sorry but I don’t want to be an Emperor, that’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.

Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say “Do not despair”.

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .

Soldiers: don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don’t fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written:
“The kingdom of God is within man”
Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let’s use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Unnamed Post

Posted in Stories. on September 9, 2011 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: Just a muse to myself to keep my thoughts rolling, sorry for the essence of incompleteness and roughness.

He silently sat and stared upward at the raining heavens. How it was a blessing to everyone, everyone but him apparently. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of a God watching and loving from the heavens above as he shivered with cold. It wasn’t any colder than usual but the holes in his clothes made it worse. He pulled his knees towards his chest more tightly in a vain attempt to raise his body temperature. He didn’t know whether he would make it through this night or not. ‘Better take my mind off the cold’, he thought as he started to stare at the people rushing by in their cars towards an unknown destination. That is when he saw him; he was a young kid with a smile on his face. Their eyes crossed and the smile vanished. There in his eyes he saw a tinge of care as the kid tightened the grip around his ice-cream cone more tightly. He was walking towards him with a group of people.

“Kinda sucks, doesn’t it?” what seemed like one of the kid’s mate asked him.

“Yea, kind of does…”

“Well, don’t feel bad about it. Come on let’s get out of here.”

He stared at the kid as he passed him and slowly vanished into the rain. “At least some people still have a heart…” he smiled at his thought and put his head against the wall of the bridge as he slowly closed his eyes hoping to somehow manage to open them one more time.