Mera Ujra Chaman

Kehtay hain jab gedar ki maut ati hai tou who shehar ka rukh kerta hai, meri jo maut ayi tou menay apany dostun kay sath aik nayi (Aey Khuda, meri us hairdresser ki shaan mein yeh gustakhi maaf farmain) ki dukan ka rukh kiya. Jis tarah logun kay family doctor hotay hain usi tarah mera family nayi tha, per is dafa jo dost sath milay tou menay us ko dhoka diya aur aik naye, stylish, nayi hairdresser ki dukaan mein ja ghusa.

Dukaan mein ghustay hi yeh guman hua kay jesay mein aik nayi duniya mein hi ja ghusa hun. Meray samnay hi aik khalayi makhlooq ka bhoot kursi per betha thi. Mein abhi bhagnay ka soch hi raha tha kay who bhoot bolna shru hua. Us ki awaz sun ker meri jaan mein jaan ayi aur maloom hua kay yeh koi bhoot shoot nae balkay aik 40 saal kay hazrat thay jo kay do minute mein ho rahay thay, “gori gori”.

Kher, aik mod scot sa naujwan utha aur mujhe dekhtay hue aik kursi ki taraf ishara kiya. Menay bechargi say aik bar apnay dostun ki taraf dekha aur phir us khoofnak kursi ki taraf. Ahistagi say chalta hua jab mein us kursi per bheta tou tab mujhe pata chala kay barqi kursi per bhettay hue aik mujrim ko kesa ahsaas hota hai.

Aap mein say bohat log meri is mushaibat ko aik mazaaq samajh rahay hun gay per sachai yehi hai kay mujhe nayiun say nafrat si hai. Us ki wajah sirf yeh hai kay keenchi kay sath sath un ka muun bhi chalna band nae hota aur mujh jesay khamoosh tibh insaan kay liye yeh nakabal e bardasht hai. Kher, us nayi nay aik minute kay under meray galay per 2 tissue rakhay aur us kay gird aik kapra aesay zoor say bandh dala jesay kay gaye ko zibah kertay waqt us ki tango per rasi bandhi jati hai. Is mauqay per meray zehen main aik purani hindi film ka dialogue, “Thakkur tou gayu” aesa ghoom raha tha jesay kay mein hi who thakkur tha… Kher un bhai nay meray balun per pani kay chirkay dalay aur un kay upper 3 larkiyon wali chimtiyan si laga dalin aur mein usay kuch na bol paya.

“Ap kesa istyl banwana chahain gay bro?” Us nay aik naram say lehjay mein pucha jesay kay who meri bechargi ka mazaak ura raha ho.

“Ganj karo ji iski, kanghi tou isnay karni nae hoti behtreen rahay gi.” aik dost bol utha

“Oh nae oye, Mister T ka hair style bana dalo aj.” Aik aur sada uthi

“Mazak na karo, style choro aur is kay baal neelay rang dalo.” Teesray dost nay bhi apni raye ka izhar kiya.

Is say pehlay kay nayi un ki kisi bhi raye ko sanjeeda layta mein jaldi say bol utha, “Bhai ap “istaylist” ho jo style ap ko pasand aye bana dalo.”

Us ka yeh sunna hi tha kay us kay hath start ho gaye aur who merai kalmun kay pass walay balun mein kenchiyan marna shru ho gaya. Ji menay bilkul baja kaha, who mera sar mein kenchi is tarah mar raha tha jesay kay aik pagal vehsi filmun mein apnay masoom target ko chaku say bar bar marta hai. Farak sirf itna tha kay in bhai ka nishana bar abr chook raha tha aur meray baal shaheed ho rahay thay. Thori dair baad us ka haat ruk gaya.

Kaya mera drauna khuwab aik aikhtamam ko pohanch gaya tha? Nahin… Ab usnay meray sar kay beech kay balun ka khoon kernay ka soch lyia tha. Mein soch hi raha tha kay in balun kay sath who kesay ziadti keray ga kay meray sawal ka jawab mujhe samnay sheeshay mein nazar agaya… Us nay meray kuch balun ko pakar kar aik chori chutya si banayi aur us ko ka sira kat ker apni ungli per rakh ker meri ankhun kay samnay aesay pesh kiya jesay puranay zumanun mein badshahun kay samnay un kay dusmanun kay sar paish kiye jatay thay. Shayad who mujh say is kartab kay badlay koi bakshish cha raha tha.

“Bhai mujhe pata hai ap meray hi baal kaat rahay ho parusiyon kay nae.” Mein akhir kar bol utha.

“Oh nae brother, yeh tou ap ko length dekha raha hun.” Us nay aesay hans ker jawab diya jesay kay mein say bewaqoof admi us nay aj tak nae dekh tah.

“Nae shukriya menay nae dekhni.”

Us kay baad us nay kher ungli per baal rakh ker tou na dakhaye albata chutiyan banana band na ki aur balun ko us tarah katta chala gaya. Akhir kar 20 minute kay tashadud kay baad us nay apnay hath rok liye. Meray khayal say who ab thak chukka tha lehaza us nay meray “haircut” ko “done” karar diya. Menay apnay sar ki taraf dekha tou bus dekhta hi chala gaya… Meray sar kay beech mein say baal aesay kharay thay jesay kisi nay un mein phatakha phora ho aura gay say aesay bhethay thay jesay kay puranay waqtun mein mayein apnay laal neelay peelun kay baal teel say chopar ker bhetati thin.

“Boss check karo, latest fashion hai.” Who fakhriya lehjay mein aesay bola jesay kay pani pat ki jang jeet ker araha ho.

“Bhai ap ko kaha tha koi aesa istyl banana jis ko kanghi na kerni paray.” Mera dost meray chehray kay tasurat ko bhamptay hue bol utha.

“No problem bro. yeh istyl beghair kanghi kay banay ga fikar not.”

Mein marta kaya na karta ahistagi say us ki han mein han malayi aur kursi say uth para. Mera khayal tha kay meray upper zulm ki inteha guzar chuki thi per afsoos aesa na tha. Meinay jab us say is “istyl” kay naam per mazaq kay pesay puchay tou won apnay 32 dant dekha kar baray aram say bola, “Bus bhai 250 rupaye.”

Ager ap mein say kisi ko andaza nae tou, aik acha nayi balun ki hajamat kay sirf 130-150 rupaye layta hai per yeh sahib nay tou kamal hi ker dala. 4 angrezi kay alfaz bol ker, 2 chutiyan bana ker, puthi puthi kenchiyan mar ker tou 250 aesay mang liye jesay kay bara sawab ka kaam kar dala ho. Menay ahistagi say aah bhari aur us kay hath mein pesay rakhta hua dukaan say muun hi muun mein wahiyat bakta hua nikal para.

Aray han… who jo uska “beghair kanghi kay ban nay wala hair istyl” tha na, who aj tak mujh say kanghi kay beghair kaya kanghi kay sath nae ban paya. Bus meray dil say tou yehi shair nikalta hai ab

“Hazarun saal nargis apni bay nori pay roti hai

Bari mushkil say hota hai chaman mein deedahwar paida”

Advertisements

21 Responses to “Mera Ujra Chaman”

  1. You should have stuck to your old one at least he didn’t overcharge you. Ganja ho jatta to behtar tha… 😉

  2. like u really gave him ur hair which could be braided 😛 n 250 bucks too lol… bechara larka 🙂

  3. i tried and tired and tired… my urdu deficiency is at its peak!

  4. you know you shouldn’t really care even if you become ganja! at least its better than having white hair x.x

  5. @M cuz thats how i am 😛

  6. @Aneesa no -.- NEVER!

  7. just 250??? last year I paid an “istylist” 450:( and after that udher jaanay ki dobara himmat na hoi:(

    • Lol nah for guys, someone who charges 250 is very expensive 😛 the best charge 350-500 😛 normal good ones are 100 – 150 😛

  8. now this is gender inequality:P

  9. mein ny chutiya waly bhi dekhay hein aur apnay bhai ko bhi dekha hy:P
    bhai sy yaad aaya…ye bomb pathay balon wala istyl jo istylist ny bnaya that wo kanghi aur hathon sy nhi towel aur paani sy bnta hy:P

    • Lol thank you didn’t know that 😛 and well don’t know what long hair specialists charge 😛 (Yes, not every barber can handle long hair) 😛

  10. my pleasure:) always consult me whenever you’re in the mood to have a stupid hair-istyl:P

  11. this is one of your best posts ever 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: