All Jumbled Up

It’s kind of funny that how once we achieve something that we have chased so long and hard for, we just seem to lose all interest in that certain thing. I guess we all need unattainable goals and plans just to keep a sense of purpose alive. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t really feel any excitement as I uprooted my entire life and shifted to a new city, in a foreign land seeking something I wanted for as long as I remembered. Instead I felt strangely alone and afraid as I stood in a place whose customs, language, and people were unknown to me.

Now, I can just sit here and just fantasize that how great of a trip it had been but to be honest nothing really felt exciting enough. I was just feeling indifferent to everything but the astonishingly a’ la carte quality of airplane food that I had to swallow. Honestly, I still can’t understand how did they make the eggs, sausage and boiled potatoes have the same taste and texture but then again I’m not really a 5 star chef so what do I know.

In any case, I’m setting neatly into my new life here. Apart from the awkwardly obvious language barrier, nothing really seems all that different as I still find people looking at me weirdly (to be honest, this time they have different reasons) or minding their own business. That said, I do miss some things, like the luxury of picking up my phone and calling my friends over just for the heck of it or really being able to talk to other people but I guess for a loner like me it isn’t really all that bad.

In a lot of ways this place is exactly the same as my own country as people here also treat Physics majors with sympathy and shun them to the farthest place available from the main campus so they don’t contaminate the sanity of all the normal students. The campus itself is a ghost town and every now and then if you’re lucky you’ll be able to sight a fellow human being. That’s another case entirely that he/she will be too absorbed in their own equation filled world to notice you. The studies are somewhat the same but then again the night is still young and all the creepy crawlies have yet to emerge from their domains.

While what I have is something that many students would kill to have, I still can’t help but to think that if all of this was worth it. I left a comfortable life, with the promise of a white collar job and a lot of perks and people that I cared about just to work odd jobs and put myself through a grad school which may very well manage to get the best of me and leave me out to dry. But then again, I guess that’s human nature as the grass always seems greener on the other side, no matter how wonderful or shitty of a situation you’re really in.

I know most of these random ramblings make no sense and are very haphazardly jotted down but when one has a cluttered up mind, they just can’t seem to breathe a life into their thoughts and everything just seems way too jumbled up to make sense. In any case, this is just to give a vent to everything inside of me as of this moment and to finally be able to come to terms with new beginnings in life.

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5 Responses to “All Jumbled Up”

  1. You moved!? What Country…and it must hav been exciting and scary the same in the beginning…I know I always feel home sick when im away from home anywhere.

    • Heyyy, I never asked you what country you’re in =P And this is the beginning to be honest so yea I’m still feeling all that. And if you must know I’m in Germany -.-

      • you already know where i am in ….germany..interesting. cant wait to read more about how you adjust to it. explore the new country and try new things, it might make you a little less of a grouchy pants ;P

      • Uh not really but am gonna guess scotland? Xp and lol well exploration will come later and no nothing will change the grouchy part l! X.x

  2. May the odds be ever in your favor.

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