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Something on the Elections in Pakistan

Posted in Articles with tags , , on May 12, 2013 by Dev!l

For those of you who don’t know, elections have taken place in Pakistan just yesterday and now we all are standing in the wake of its repercussions as the victors are celebrating while the ones who lost are chanting “cheat” and “Only idiots and **** voted for the winning party”. This post originally is intended for apologizing to people who after the elections uploaded pictures of their thumbs (it has a mark put on it by the Election Commission to indicate that this person has voted so he/she may not vote again). In any case, I found that highly stupid and spoke out against it and the happenings but apparently was met with hostile answers as apparently speaking out against what you find wrong is apparently not good. In any case, this shouldn’t really concern you as it is mainly for those who actually know me in person.

My past few statuses and statements may have offended some people and I therefore apologize if I insulted anyone or their views. That was not my intention. I just spoke what I felt was wrong and I still stand by that. Sure, I could had done so without calling people stupid but to be honest that was just meant to add a little flavor to what would had been a very serious post otherwise. I in no way feel that I am superior to anyone on this planet as we all excel at something where others don’t. I for one recognize and respect that fact. Anyhow, I really don’t like speaking about religion or politics as people are usually very rigid and easily irritated when those topics come up. But, to be quite honest I just can’t stand and watch what is going on without speaking what’s on my mind.

… You wanted a new Pakistan? Lol, look around and tell me how do you hope to achieve that if you as a nation stand divided and fight amongst your own selves? Why can’t you see the silver lining that at least people expressed themselves and respect their opinions? Why is it that you must abuse to convey your point to someone? I really don’t understand, I thought we were all Pakistani’s but apparently we are everything but that.

You want a new Pakistan then why don’t you start making it yourself? Why don’t you start shunning the corrupt ways and actually try sticking to the truth for once, even if you know it will harm you. Why don’t you try educating someone in need for free? Why don’t you try compensating for your “third world” education by actually broadening your own horizons by reading books that aren’t in your syllabus for once? Heck, if that isn’t your thing you can always use YouTube to educate yourself. Oh but wait, YouTube is for songs only. What the hell was I thinking? Why don’t you try helping those in need without asking for anything in return? Why not help a stranger on the road without reason? Why don’t you actually start speaking against everything you feel IS wrong without abusing?

Now what I am saying may sound highly theoretical but truth be told, it is achievable. Sure people will call you whiny, crazy, pathetic and plain old stupid for doing so but remember your words are important. “For words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth.”

So please, I ask you to keep calm and remember we are after all brethren, we belong to the same nation and no matter where we belong to, who we are, we were all created equal and in many ways are still equal.

As for those thinking this is just another lecture, by all means carry on but for those who want to think, I beg you please do so. For if you are gracious in defeat only then can you be humble in the face of victory.

P.S. I for one am opting for my own “new Pakistan” by following whatever way I can and thinking of as many ways as I can as to help those in need and educate all I can. I have and always will stand by the truth no matter what. So yea, these words come after action.

 

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2012, An Overview

Posted in Articles on January 4, 2013 by Dev!l

So another year bites the dust and we survive the horrible Mayan apocalypse to stare at the light of a new dawn. It’s funny really how each year we celebrate clinging to the hopes that the forthcoming year will be better than the old one. How we will be more successful etc. when nothing really changes but the hands on the clock.

As per tradition, I am here to review my previous year. Yea a little late for that I know since whole 4 days have passed since the New Year hit us but truly time is all but relevant and reflection at any time should be welcomed. 2012, in retrospect was one of the worst years of my life but I would be a fool to say that I didn’t learn things of value from this year. Materially, I was stripped of everything I held or could hold dear, my intelligence, moral integrity was questioned and nearly shattered but I carried on. I carried on and learnt many things which I had forgotten over the years. Yea this is going to be one of those life lesson things so if that bores you kindly get lost. I am doing this for myself so that one day I can look back at these words and just laugh at my mistakes and naivety. For isn’t that why we make mistakes? So we can look back upon them and remember our folly and youth.

Like every year 2012 began with the traditional bbq for my birthday (for those of you with an astute observational skill, yes my birthday is in January). It was the first time I tried mixing my university friends with my net/other/I don’t know how to tell how I know them friends with almost horrible consequences. Sparks flew between the two and quite honestly I realized that they were two different crowds entirely. As for gifts well the only gifts I did get were a USB, a card with lots of buttons (yes I said buttons), a watch that glows in the dark (yes, I love that thing more than the fact that it has a very good stop watch), The Zahir (It’s a book), Chocolates, Pringles and a chocolate cake with a zinger. Honestly, I don’t really care for the gifts to be honest heck I would be glad that if people would just forget my birthday.

It was a good start and educationally I was at the peak on almost everything. I held the position of chief editor of my department’s magazine (especially important to me since the idea of the magazine was my baby), was the unofficial shadow VP of the department’s event organizational committee, scholarship holder etc. This is when it all went downhill. I was accused of helping someone in their examinations, which I did do without my knowledge and was punished. I was dropped from the whole semester causing a delay in my graduation by one year. It was quite funny now that I think about it. It taught me a lot, I learnt that honestly I don’t have many people that care about me nor do I have a lot of friends. I learnt that in today’s society being honest and saying you won’t lie as you have your principles would only get you the title of a lunatic who doesn’t know anything about the world. I learnt that how hypocritical people really can be. I learnt how people could lie to your face and truly how much diplomatic we all as humans are.

For those of you wondering, the story is simple: Someone texted me for answer of a question, I texted back. Turned out the guy was in the exam and I was called up. I stuck to my principle of not lying and had to face the music. Now please I don’t want to talk about it thank you.

This all changed me completely in a sense. I got into applying what I knew about human psychology and emotions and after a little while I could finally tell how and when people were lying or faking sympathy and as a result changed my look on my life completely. Yes, people do change and so did I. But honestly, I welcomed that change with open arms for it taught me a lot. It gave my life a direction I wasn’t ready to take. Honestly, it gave me a chance to grasp my passing life with my hands and take control. It was due to this that I started working online for different employers in 2012 and earned my first official pay check (yes first official pay check, unofficially I had been earning on and off for quite some time). I set certain targets for myself career vise in this time and honestly have been sticking to them.

In short, I became more responsible and learnt that every action has a consequence that we must bear alone, unfortunately the hard way.

Well enough with gloom and doom right? On a happier note, I went to a mountain retreat with my university friends (who dragged me along to take me out of the dumps). It was a lot of fun apart from the first 2 days in which I was running a fever of 104 and filling canteens with water thanks to some lazy bums. One of my friends lost his father which we honored by driving to his village in a 9 hour drive with 7 people in a 4 seater car. That was memorable in its own self.

Life continued and soon two of my friends left for further education. Truth be told, yes I do miss their company which itself is a big thing for me to say in itself. There were no really memorable get togethers with other friends or acquaintances this year as life had made them distant in their own self. Some of them were busy in jobs, others busy in their studies (which frankly I never could understand perhaps cuz I never had difficulty with studies) but ah well this is how life is.

I finally got around to updating my pc with the money I earned which was a real treat for me as games are one of the sources my escape from this realm of reality into a world of my own making. I started university again to earn a scholarship laptop (which in itself was given to so many students just so they would vote for a particular political party in the upcoming elections of this country). Now, before I continue any further I want anyone reading this to avoid motivational or pitiful comments because honestly I am sick and tired of all this crap. All year it was the same story. Those who stuck around me started blaming everything I did bad on the whole incident instead of taking it out on me. They started looking for changes that were bound to happen and blamed the whole event. True, those changes happened but in my view they made me a better person so does it really matter what caused them?

Moving on, my other blog Static finally went Static even after we were spotlighted in National Magazines as a blog that was crying out for a change in the actions of the youth. The reason of it was simple really; Anas or I honestly didn’t have any time for it as we were consumed by life itself.

I reconciled with some old friends who I did wrong. Truth be told, admitting ones mistakes takes a whole lot of burden off your shoulders that you never know is there. On this note I also grew closer to some friends and at the end of this year fought with them for no apparent reason only to reconcile for no apparent reason. Life is just funny this way and funnily enough I just realized how gay I sound =P So screw you all! 😛 But I did find my romantic, loving side during this year as well which is totally stupid and I wish it would just die with all the love for certain people (those who I love) with it 😛

Oh also I met someone as insane as me which was quite a surprise in itself as I usually don’t get to meet that many people who are so insane so yea hats off to that person!

Sure, 2012 was a really bad year for me but honestly it doesn’t really matter now. What happened, came and pass but here I still stand ready to face more. So yea, 2013 maybe as bad of a year or maybe over compensating but honestly I don’t care anymore but let’s be optimistic so here is to a happy new year to me. As for you, well may this be a happy new year to you as well.

Hey Look! It’s a Car that Runs on Water!

Posted in Articles on August 4, 2012 by Dev!l

Today, I am going to talk about something that is sweeping the entire nation of Pakistan off their feet and apparently out of their minds. Yes, I am going to talk about the recent new technological marvel, the water car! (OMG, he is whoring himself by writing about something so mainstream! Yea, don’t really care.)

Alright, here is what happened: An engineer named Agha Waqar has developed a kit that supposedly makes a car run on water alone. No more fossil fuels, just plain distilled water. His claim is that this will solve the energy and fuel crisis that over 60 nations face today.

As a student of Physics, I find this claim incredible. So, today I am going to educate all of the supporters of Agha Waqar out there in a little branch of science known as Chemistry and Physics. No no, don’t turn away, this isn’t going to be E= I DON’T GIVE A DAMN Physics but your basic high school physics that apparently our great nation knows nothing of.

So, first we are going to imagine how it can be done! The most basic principle to get energy from water is via electrolysis. What we do in this magical alchemy is that we convert H2O (Water) into its forming components i.e. O2 and H2. Now H2 is highly volatile (that means it goes boom boom when near fire) which when burnt would give us energy. Sounds simple enough? So, why isn’t the world using this technology? Well there is a thing known as “the law of conservation of energy” that stands in the way. Mathematically speaking to convert 1 litre of water you need round about 5kWh (i.e. 5000 Watts in one hour) for the sake of simplicity let’s call them 5 units of energy. Now this will produce about 55.4 mol of H2, for simplicity and the sheer destruction of chemistry and physics let’s call them 55 grams of H2 (yes, I know there is a standard way of converting from moles to grams etc but am going as basic as I can to simplify it for the geniuses out there). Now by experimentation, that is what SCIENTISTS do in order to do actual science; we know H2 gives round about 242 kJ/mole, which we will call 242 smaller units of energy per gram in our analogy for the mentally deranged. So by doing basic mathematics, where 1 kWh = 3.6 MJ (M=mega = 10^6 and k=Kilo=10^3) we get 3.72 units of energy. So, if you do have a brain that functions, it wouldn’t take you long to notice that you gave 5 units of energy to the whole system and got back 3.72 units of energy back. 5>3 even if you don’t believe it, it’s true!  That just means handing a person 500 Rupees and asking him to give you 300 Rupees back. You didn’t do anything but waste 200 Rupees!!!

So this is what Agha Waqar proclaims he did! Or maybe wait, he used something totally new perhaps… So, how did he do it? Well, those who do have a scientific mind did ask him, if he was changing batteries due to the loss of electricity or if he was using some new sort of catalyst (something that will raise the 3.72 units of energy to 5 units or even more) to which he said, NO! He then went on to say he could do this as the First and Second Law of Thermodynamics were wrong!

So what are these laws? Well they are absolutely nothing but somethings that just kind of state that in any process in which work is done, heat (energy) is absorbed by the system. This is the law of conservation of energy. The second law states, “No process is possible whose sole result is the transfer of heat from a body of lower temperature to a body of higher temperature.” That means no engine works at a 100% efficiency, no no not possible and I’m saying that without even involving entropy! Something that literally makes the world go forward!

So by him stating that those laws are wrong, he is actually stating that he can make energy without equivalent exchange or so to say less energy can produce more! That is like you saying, “Hey, I can push this heavy crate of rocks by just standing next to it!”

Now here come the people I love to Agha’s defense! The ones who state that he can be right as laws are meant to be broken and give examples of the four elements, the world’s flat, Newton vs. Einstein etc. So, to all those geniuses out there, firstly: The laws that we talk about in normal life can be broken but scientific laws are not like that. They are actually made by morons who wasted their entire lives seeking after them, tested and tried again and again by people who came after them whether they were true or not.  Then they were called laws as they held up to every experiment thrown up to them. That is done by experimentation you dumb beepholes! Try actually reading the science text book of an 8 grader instead of memorizing it! Actually you know what if you do believe in that so much do me a favor, Don’t send your kids, nephews etc to school as if this is true the entire world of Physics and chemistry will crash. Your kids are just wasting their time learning something not true at all! Or better yet just don’t reproduce.

The laws of thermodynamics are even proven by another branch of Physics known as Statistical Physics. If they are wrong then not only Statistical Physics but subjects like Quantum Mechanics, Quantum Computation, General Relativity and many more will perish! That means whatever we have done uptil now will all just be a sham. Oh wait you know what this may actually be true… It may all be a conspiracy of the Illuminati! OMG, thank you oh great savior Agha Waqar that helped us uncover their evil plot to rule the world, you con artist!

Now, for those who give examples of how Einstein proved Newton wrong. No, Einstein didn’t prove Newton wrong, he just elaborated his laws more to give us relativity. Newton’s laws are still applicable in the macro world (the world we see with our naked eyes). So, please actually read up on subjects before barking about them! Oh and then there is the branch of people who say that we are against the great engineer because he is from a backward area and not a famous scientist. Well, to all those people, Einstein was a German who had migrated to Switzerland and was working as a clerk in the Swiss patent office after he couldn’t get a job at a university. He was a nobody in another country when he came up with his scientific papers that revolutionized the world.

Oh and a lot of you will say, what do you know? You are just a Physicist who knows nothing about engineering… Well, to all those people I have one thing to say: The laws that Engineers work on were actually made by Physicists. We are the ones who provide the blue prints and Engineers are the one who make them better or build them. Sure there are times when even they provide the blue prints and we accept them but then again many engineers also believe in what I believe in right now.

If Mr. Agha is really that much of a genius, please I request the government to give him his patent and beg him to please publish a paper on how he violated those 2 laws of thermodynamics so as a Physicist I can burn my degrees, the world of science may actually prosper and actually call myself a proud Pakistani. Again, I am not asking him to publish how he made the water kit, but just how he proved those two laws to be wrong! Till then, Me, Dr. Atta-ur-Rehman (A scientist with more than 850 research papers in the field of Chemistry), Dr. Hoodhboy and many more with a sane brain and actual concepts of science will say: FU AGHA WAQAR, you are a con artist and thank you for showing us that our nation is full of nothing but bloody morons!

Peek a Boo… Higgs, we see you!

Posted in Articles with tags , , on July 5, 2012 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: The following is a small rant along with some laymen explanation about the newly discovered Higgs Boson. Much of the explanation is rushed so you can ask questions but I highly doubt someone will actually ask anything.

“The LHC is going to destroy the entire galaxy as we know it.”

“Oh NO! Please do tell our audiences more about it.”

“Well they are going to try to recreate the big bang and as we all know in the big bang there was an equal part of matter and ANTI-matter created. This experiment would also cause the creation of ANTI-matter and we won’t be able to contain it as the matter and anti matter would combine and destroy everything!”

“There you go audience, a physicist who tells us the shocking truth about the new LHC which is going to start its operation soon in Geneva.”

And suddenly everyone around me had only one topic: We all are going to die this August thanks to some whacked up scientists. Internet forums were made and no matter where I turned people kept badgering me on and on about “expert” analysis and how they were right.

I tried being the better person and keep myself on the high road, trust me I did. It’s been almost 5 years since the operations of LHC started. Apart from tons of data, some miniscule (yes I will call them small) discoveries were made but none was good enough to justify the billions of dollars spent on making the LHC. I kept quiet but smiled whenever a person mentioned LHC just because the world didn’t die (surprise surprise) in spite of expert analysis.

Last year (approx or so I don’t remember) the unofficial news of scientists at LHC discovering something big did come forward but the scientists wanted to be sure. I kept quiet and watched. Yesterday, they did announce their findings… They finally found something that was big… something that reduced an 80 year old namesake to tears. The possible discovery of Higgs Boson was finally announced.

The moment was finally here, I rushed to the TV only to find nothing had happened. My country’s media was quiet. The equivalent of DNA was finally discovered but they were quiet. The standard model (a scientific formula i.e. putting it roughly that unifies three fundamental forces of nature except poor gravity) was finally standing tall. But nothing on the TV about it, now I know that science doesn’t get many ratings but my only beef with the moronic Media is that if they can’t admit they are wrong they shouldn’t publish a whole news report on it to begin with. Seriously, where is the apology for “OH MY GOD WE ARE GONNA DIE DUE TO LHC”? Where are those effing experts now? Where are those people who had their PhD. In nuclear accelerators and doomsday calculations?

Anyhow I digress, this was just to write a little educational topic in laymen terms to tell a little about the Higgs Boson.

There are 12 fundamental particles in nature that make up everything. These particles are divided into two groups known as fermions and bosons on the basis of something called their quantum spin and some other mumbo jumbo which makes whole 4 credit hour courses in universities. Anyhow, moving on one of the major problem with the standard model was it couldn’t explain how things acquired mass. So this field (like the magnetic field you learned about in school) known as the Higgs field was suggested with which every particle would interact to gain its mass and the Higgs boson (the particle) was the excitation of this field. The Higgs field also explained why the “weak nuclear force” (force which binds the nucleus together) was exactly weaker.

Moving on, with the addition of the Higgs field the standard model could explain the mass of things and thus that is why the Higgs Boson is also laymenly and quite frankly truthfully referred as the particle that gives everything its mass. The Higgs Boson (Well scientists are still 99.9 percent sure that it is the boson) found was a little heavier than we anticipated it to be. Also something you may have heard is that it was found to be within 5 Sigma. What is sigma you ask? Sigma is the standard deviation. Standard deviation from what we anticipated and theorized it to be. So, it is a particle that behaves as the Higgs Boson should had. As this is not quite what we expected it to be, scientists do hope that it will open new doors and perhaps give us the ultimate dream of achieving a unified theory of all forces (String theory is one of them).

 Also, lastly: Higgs Boson is often frowned upon for being called as the God Particle due to a book whose author originally wanted to call it the Goddamn particle due to its evasiveness.

P.S. I know finding Higgs Boson does not in any way chance any major problems we face as a society in this world and there are people who are still dying each day without the basic necessities of life. I do feel for those and in no way mean any disrespect to any person suffering.

2011, An Overview

Posted in Articles on December 28, 2011 by Dev!l

Well, this post is going to be one of those dear diary ones. No, this in no way means that I will be writing, “Dear Diary, she talked to me today…” etc. This is something I do at the end of each year… it’s more of an overview of how my year went.

Well 2011 in all its glory wasn’t such a great year for me at all (apart from some things). The year brought lots of memories, many of whom I just wish to forget but alas if only the human mind was that simple to control.

The year started as usual with the torment of my birthday sitting just around the corner. But sadly, this year my friends and I couldn’t arrange a barbeque like every year, near my birthday, in January. Not to mention I didn’t get any presents for my birthday either, except a few. Yea, thank you guys, what a great bunch of dead beat miser friends you are! 😛

Well don’t feel sad for me, for we did manage to get a bbq and not one but two of them in fact. Of course they both resulted in me ending up either cleaning up and washing the chicken or cooking them in front of the grill but I ain’t complaining… much.

As summer ended, I found myself again in the shrouds of boredom as this year I had no plans for summer vacations at all but to just sit at home and clear one damn subject in the summer camp of my university (Not to mention, hear the words: “OMG, YOU FLUNKED A SUBJECT TOO??” over and over again).

And just when this year couldn’t get any happier I soon found myself on the joyful occasion of attending two weddings of my cousins along with one of a friend’s brother. One at the start of the year and one near the end of it. No, I do not enjoy weddings and hence soon found myself banging my head against the wall in shear happiness. The wedding of my cousins’ went as fast as a snail moving on peanut butter but the wedding of M’s brother really gave some unforgettable memories. Of course that too was tainted by a fight between two of my friends but on the bright side I got to meet one asinine of a net friend.

Speaking of fights, I fought a lot with many of my friends this year and learnt the hard way that somehow, the one a person is committed with means more to them then their friends. Had huge fights with 3 of my friends and all of them, believe it or not happened over their relationships. Somehow the words, “I want to protect you from harm” lost their value and I ended up losing a dear sister and a brother like friend. Although I did manage to patch things up with them but alas, it isn’t the same anymore… and if I could I would go back and explain my actions more and tell them that whatever I did, no matter how foolish it was, was to protect them and I know I made mistakes and went about the matters entirely wrong but sigh, time does not move backward.

Oh, if you think that was sad then my friends please hold on because the year got worse… Two of my friends lost their fathers to the angel of death. Even though I couldn’t be there for one of them in those days, much to my regret, I did manage to get to the other one. The 900 km journey in 2 days with 6 guys in a Suzuki Mehran just to get to a funeral seemed nothing when we heard the words, “I knew you guys would come.”

Anyhow, moving on from all the emo stuff, I did have my fun this year as well. Mainly online, I rekindled my relation with an old friend, met some interesting people online (many of whom are bloggers, that’s entirely another thing that I don’t know anything about them but ah well), started Static, met a sick old lady who gave me chocolates :P, found fraternity in the most strangest of ways, grew closer than ever to one of my old friends, found the value and meaning of the words friendship, love etc better than ever thanks that some of my friends (One in particular). Fought like crazy and then tried my best to win a friend over on more than one occasions.

My family also had the immense pleasure of welcoming a little baby girl, Aleezay, the daughter of my brother and my niece into this world. Izaan (my nephew) grew to be two years old and frankly he is turning out to be one hell of a firecracker.

Other than that, the trip to Khanaspur with my university friends proved to be great fun as well. Speaking of university, I went to a number of science fairs this year as well to represent my department, though that is another matter entirely that we won squat. But ah well, when your quiz team just likes to yell Enrico Fermi as the goddamned answer to everything that was bound to happen. I also had the sheer pleasure of working on the welcome party of my juniors with some of the “calm and cool” minded people of my department. They just were just so awesome that they made me appreciate girls! 😛

Apart from that, I also found myself wrapped in the mess of the departmental magazine and soon wounded up laying the founding stone of it with some colleagues. No, this doesn’t mean I am happy as the editorial staff under me for the English editorial board compromises entirely of girls! WTF!

Yea moving on, this year I couldn’t help but see how fast life moved and how quickly it has started to wrap people around me in its complexities. The number of hangouts this year with my old friends was shockingly low, though the ones we did had were fun nonetheless. Everyone is moving on so fast, many of my friends are either in serious relationships or are engaged, which leaves me, single and happy. Not that I am complaining that I want a girlfriend or something I am just surprised by the fact that everyone grew up so fast. Ah well, one can’t always be carefree… I know there are still a few days left in this year but unless something extra ordinary happens I would be fixated before my computer screen playing Elder Scrolls or tending to my new puppy… that I just got a few days back and is gravely ill…

Ah well, this was a short overview of my year and even though I cut out many integral parts out of it due to the fact that I don’t wish to speak about them I can’t help but wonder in the end, was this year truly worth writing about? I guess by the experiences I had, sure…

At the end, I would like to address all my old and new friends… “I am sorry if I did anything to hurt you this year, I know I have been introverted throughout the year but with time we all are becoming intensively busy and slowly drifting apart. In this diffusion many of us have forgotten what our friendships meant to us. I would like you to please take a moment out of your lives and just look back and remember all the good old times we shared… Life may move fast and it doesn’t mean you have to forget everyone you cared about.”

Types of Girlfriends Part I

Posted in Articles, Funny with tags , , , on December 3, 2011 by Dev!l

Well, it’s been some time since I wrote about types of boyfriends. Now, as all of you who know me, do know that I am kind of a misogamist so therefore I present to you, “Types of Girlfriends.”

The Psycho

This type of girlfriend is one of the most dangerous one out there. She is the kind who will act all cool if you are talking to another girl only for you to find her in a video on YouTube titled, “Catfight!!!”. This type of girlfriend is so  much fun to hang out with, that the only reason that keeps you coming back is the fear of the safety of your own limbs, how wonderfully romantic.

The Romantic

Unlike the mythical type of romantic boyfriends out there, romantic girlfriends do exist. They are so amazing that the only thing that would occupy their mind 24/7 would be cuddling or sweet talking. Oh, how I pray to the Lord each day for such a girl and how I envy the guys with such girlfriends… If you are such a guy, please I beg you marry that whackjob of a girl and keep other guys safe!

The Gluer

This type of girlfriend is one of the most common type of girlfriend out there. The only thing that will separate her from her boyfriend would be a 12 hour surgery. If she can’t be there in person, she would demand that her guy keeps texting her. Going in a relation with such a girl is like being reborn with a Siamese twin… Not even the privacy of the toilet would be enough for you, ever again….

The Talker

This type of girlfriend gets on my nerves the most. She is the girl who just won’t shut her mouth. It’s like having a thousand crows, singing their beautiful songs in your ear all day long. The downside? There is none! Well other than the fact that you will get envious of deaf people.

The Anorexic

Due to the recent popularity of skeletons in our fashion industry this type of girlfriends are becoming common every day. The only thing more pleasing and charming than their money saving ways on dates is their constant query to their boyfriends, “Do I look fat?” I really don’t know anything what’s more appealing, the fact that they can give Gandhi a run for his money in hunger strikes or the fact that they think skeletons look fat.

The Dumbbell

Usually this type of girlfriends is associated with blondes but believe me, they exist in every race! With the brain power to put a brain dead hamster to shame, they continue to impress boys with their charming stupidity and carrying a sign, “I’m easy!” The only thing that makes them anymore of an abomination on this planet is the fact that they believe they are the prettiest girl on the planet and the whole world should worship them for their hard work in looking oh so beautiful.

The Mullah

Oh, don’t be fooled by the name. This type of girlfriends are the ones who are often found in veils and doing everything in accordance to the commandments of their religion… They are so religious and pious that they full fill the order of wearing veils to the letter and often forget to wear anything else underneath the veil other than miniskirts, sleeveless, skin tight shirts etc. You know what the religious people wore in ye olden times. They are often found addressing their boyfriends to also follow the “religious” ways while they are not busy making out with them. (Disclaimer: Not all girls who wear veils are like this.)

Oye Uth Jawana (Oh Wake Up Youth)

Posted in Articles on January 29, 2011 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: The following is a YouTube link of a very truthful and thoughtful song I was made to listen by friend. The song is in Punjabi but a very rough English and Roman Urdu translation is given for those not familiar with Punjabi. I would like to add that I suck at translating Punjabi into other languages and I am no poet therefore a lot of the song’s symmetry has been lost and any contribution in making the translation better would be accepted graciously.

English Translation:

Look at the spectacle the world watches in your country,

Oh look at the spectacle the world watches in your country

Where bomb blasts and where light gives long power cuts

Here people die of hunger, here “Wadera’s”(Land lords) live

Here people die of hunger, here “Wadera’s”(Land lords) live

In my country snakes have pavilion-ed

Oh wake up youth your country is drowned in the darkness, make it day

Oh wake up youth your country is drowned in the darkness, make it day

Here sugar is expensive, here flour is expensive

But my country’s bride wears a bridal gown of 1 lak rupees

Here sugar is expensive, here flour is also expensive

But my country’s bride wears a bridal gown of 1 lak rupees

Here where children sell mothers

Here where children sell mothers

Whilst the people laugh

Oh my home tv says

Oh wake up youth your country is drowned in the night, make it day

Here phone packages are cheap and Samosas are crispy

Where you get prayers for a rupee

100 channels broadcast in houses and tell news daily

My country’s brother journalists are the ones saving it

The Kalma remains on our tongues and the heart keeps saying Allah Allah

The breath whilst dying says

Oh wake up youth your country is drowned in the night, make it day

Oh wake up youth your country is drowned in the night, make it day

Roman Urdu Translation:

Dekho tamasha jo dunya dekhti hai mulk mein teray

Dekho tamasha jo dunya dekhti hai mulk mein teray

Kidher bomb pathay aur kidher bijli karay lambay andheray

Idher log bhokay martay hain idher bastay hain Waderay

Idher log bhokay martay hain idher bastay hain Waderay

Meray mulk mein sanpon nay dalay hain deray (parao)

Oh jawan uth aur ker day sawera tera mulk dooba hai andheray mein

Oh jawan uth aur ker day sawera tera mulk dooba hai andheray mein

Idher cheeni bhi mehngi idher aata bhi mehnga

Per meray mulk ki dulhan pehnay lakh lakh ka lehnga

Idher cheeni bhi mehngi idher aata bhi mehnga

Per meray mulk ki dulhan pehnay lakh lakh ka lehnga

Jidher bachay maaon ko bechain

Jidher bachay maaon ko bechain

Meray mulk kay log hansain

Oh meray ghar ka tv kehta

Oh jawan uth aur ker day sawera tera mulk dooba hai andheray mein

Idher phone kay packages sastay aur samosay milain khastay

Rupaye mein milti hai dua

Ghar mein 100 100 channel atay hain aur rozana khabarin sonatay hain

Meray mulk ko meray bhai sahafi hain bachatay

Hamaray muun per kalma hai rehta

Dil Allah Allah hai kerta

Sans toot tay toot tay kehti hai

Oh jawan uth aur ker day sawera tera mulk dooba hai andheray mein