Archive for the Nostalgic Quips Category

Nostalgic Quip

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on April 16, 2013 by Dev!l

Normally I don’t like to blow my own horn since I’m so modest and all… Ok, yea I know I’m funny no need to cry about it. Anyhow, I may have had received some wicked compliments throughout my small, painful of an existence but honestly the best compliment given to me ever only came recently from a friend at a time when I really could had used a pick me up.

So my cellphone vibrates in the middle of the night and I see this message on the screen, “discussion about personality traits in Psychology class; Sir: ‘Kuch log aesay hotay hain jo logon ko observe kerte hain. apni surroinding se aware hotay hain. They pay close attention to how people behave and they enjoy it. Unke liye log tamasha hotay hain aur woh is tamashay ko dekh ker enjoy kertay hain’, first thing that came to my mind: ‘Waleed Khalid’”

(For those of you who don’t really speak Urdu or like me have a hard time reading crap in another language:  “discussion about personality traits in Psychology class; Sir: ‘There are some people that observe others and are aware of their surroundings.. They pay close attention to how people behave and they enjoy it. To them people are like a show and they enjoy watching this show.’, first thing that came to my mind: ‘Waleed Khalid’”)

This just reminds me of everything that I just love. So yea, thank you =P

Advertisements

Nostalgic Quips

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on December 15, 2012 by Dev!l

Usually I do these one at a time but then again no one gives a crap so why bother with explanations?

Quip 1:

It was the end of our midterm examinations, so naturally we were feeling the need to party but the only down side was that it was raining in winters… But was that going to stop us? NO! We decided what the heck yolo and whatever crap young people say, besides one friend was bugging our ears all week that he wanted American Chop Suey. So, we got on bikes and went to a restraint while it poured down on us from the heavens above.

The moment was quite remarkable when we all walked into the restaurant drenching with water as the entire staff along with the 3 – 4 couples already seated just stared at us. We found a table and ordered American Chop Suey despite 2 of us wanting to order Chow Mein. Soon, our order arrived and the guy who apparently loved Chop Suey just stared at the dish before him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“What’s this?”

“What you ordered? What you were yammering about for the past week”

“No… I wanted that noodles type thing with prawns and chicken.”

… Really should I continue?

Quip 2:

Since this is a diary sort of boring post so yea, during the exams, one day we all were sitting outside in the parking lot preparing for the exam about to take place in an hour when we saw a cute girl walking around with what seemed to be a non attractive guy.

“What the hell? We aren’t dead! Seriously what’s wrong with her choice” One of my classmates remarked

“Yea totally!”

“Well if you have a problem why don’t you go tell her?” I remarked and went back to revising

But little did I know my remark became the spark to a fire as all of the guys around me starting arguing that who should go tell her that. Oh before continuing any further it is to be noted that I am considered very introvert in my university. So, someone remarked: “Hey lets have Waleed Bhai do it”

“Huh? Do what?”

“Ask her couldn’t she find anyone better?”

“What’s in it for me?” I joked

“A coke!”

“I don’t drink soft drinks mate”

“Chicken Karahi!”

“Hmm…” I looked up at the girl who was now sitting alone at a distance, the guy was gone by now.

“So who’s going to give me the food if I do this?” I asked

After 4 minutes of debate a guy stepped up.

“Oh wait, I don’t like Chicken Karahi”

“Don’t worry I’ll buy a plate of Biryani”

I closed my notes got up and started walking towards the girl with the guy who I was apparently betting against following behind me softly speaking about how I couldn’t tell her that it’s a bet or anything. This is the conversation that took place

“Excuse me”

“Yes?”

“Umm, if you don’t mind can I say something?”

“Yes?”

“Well, you see those guys behind me, they all consider themselves to be heroes and they all want to know, couldn’t you find someone better?”

The girl was taken aback but managed a smile and replied, “He’s my friend”

I turned around towards my friend and smiled whose only response was, “Fine you win”

Quip 3:

Two years back I went to an intra university/college science exhibition to represent my department with a friend. Now the teacher assigned to us was what you call a person whose not worthy of being named a teacher. He was the epitome of cheapness and a master pervert but ah well we were stuck with him.

So, the first day after setting up we went back to the room to find the teacher with 2 kids from a different university, who he was apparently tutoring about “their” science project. My friend pointed towards the door but I said wait and pointed towards my cellphone signaling that I’ll text you the reason.

 Now, I wanted to text my friend that lets stick around to check up on the creep and make sure he doesn’t ask the guests to bring him something to drink or eat. I typed my message, “Stay, In say yeh bottle na pi lay” (Translation: Stay so he doesn’t ask them for a soda) and sent the sms.

Seconds later my teacher’s phone beeped indicating he had a message as I stared down at my cell phone’s screen in horror… Needless to say, many lame excuses afterwards I found myself just 2 marks short of an A+ in his course next semester…

Nostalgic Quip… I Forgot the Number :P

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on July 18, 2012 by Dev!l

Some days ago 2 friends of mine, B and S came over for some help with their project to my home. I, being the helpful lad that I am decided, “hey what the heck I’m free lets help”. So, I sat with B on my bed while he explained his predicament through his laptop while S decided to watch a movie on my PC. Now, the thing to remember here is that B used to be a weight lifter back in high school and as a result of lifting heavy weights at a young age was short compared to the rest of us. His height is around 5’4”. Anyhow, as we were sitting my little nephew, 3 years old, came in the room playing with his toy and stopped near my bed. He looked at B from head to toe and spoke: “Ap itnay thignay kyon hain?” (Why are you sooo short)

For a second none of us understood what he said. I stopped working and looked at me nephew, S hurriedly took off his headphones whilst B’s eyes widened with surprise.

S: “What did you say?”

My Nephew looked at B and repeated: “Ap itnay thignay kyon hain?” 😛

Nostalgic Quip

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on February 12, 2012 by Dev!l

Now, the following is a true story as it happened to a classmate of mine. He lives in a hostel room with a rather fat fellow; the following are the exploits of that person.

Exploit 1

A (the fat roommate) is very dirty and doesn’t take baths much. One day I forced him to go take a bath. He went and after 15 minutes came back.

“That wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No, btw when you go out do bring back some cloth washing detergent”

“Why?”

“Well I looked around and couldn’t find the soap so I bathed with the detergent.”

Exploit 2

One day we were sitting in the room when A said to me, “B can you pass me the water bottle?”

“Bro the bottle is near you, just get up and get it.”

A was sitting near the medicine cabinet and the bottle was on the table next to the cabinet. He looked at the water bottle then looked at the medicine cabinet… Without bothering to get up he opened the medicine cabinet took out a whole bottle of cough syrup, put it to his mouth and drank it whole.

“Uh dude?”

“Don’t worry, nothing will happen to me. Besides, I didn’t even have to get up”

Exploit 3

One day a friend needed some blood, A agreed to give some. I took him to the hospital and asked him if he wanted to eat something. It was early in the morning and we just had had breakfast. “Sure” he replied and ate 2 sandwiches. The friend who needed the blood soon came after approximately 30 minutes and out of courtesy asked him, “Have you had anything to eat?”

“I did have a very light snack but I am hungry…”

The friend bought him a “shawarma” and a bottle of juice. After giving the blood, A took another bottle of juice from the host and returned to the hostel. It was near 2 o’clock and that is when he said… “I’m hungry I just donated blood. Come let’s go eat”

He ate 2 plates of Chicken Karahi with 5 chappatis….

Nostalgic Quips XI

Posted in Nostalgic Quips with tags , , on October 5, 2011 by Dev!l

Well, this one is quite embarrassing but ah well here goes. It was like almost 2 years ago. It was a cold, winters night and I after getting done with my classes finally went to the bus stop to go home. Now, as it was the first stop of the bus, it was empty. So I picked a seat, I fancied and sat. After some time a guy who was very well dressed, came and sat right next to me. I found it quite weird but then again I thought he was one of those chatty types who needed people to converse with as soon as anyone makes eye contact with them. So, I started using my cell, he however sat with his legs across each other and his arm over his legs in such a way that his hand touched my thigh. I pushed it away and went back to texting… Oh boy little did I know… He did it again, but this time his hand was um a lil more towards the inner portion of my thigh. I looked at him angrily and said, “Please move your hand.”

“Why?”

“Uljhan hoti hai.” (It’s annoying)

He looked at me and with a straight face said

“Uljhan kay baad hi tou maza ata hai.” (Pleasure comes after annoyance)

Frankly, I was stunned by what the eff had just happened. I automatically stood up like a Jack in the Box and stepped a little back. My fists closed, upon seeing this he rose up and quickly went out the bus and just went away in haste… But still WTF -.-

Nostalgic Quips X

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on April 22, 2010 by Dev!l

Alright, so its pre class hours and we 10 guys are sitting outside our center on benches. A beggar comes by, now this guy is different from the usual beggars as he is deaf and mute. So to convey his message he gives cards on which the usual, “I can’t talk I have kids sisters” etc is written. To give us some time to read he quickly distributed the cards and left to collect cards and hopefully some cash from some guys sitting a little far from us. After 3 minutes the guy returned and using sign language asked us for the cards and some cash. Usually we all are pretty generous but this guy was a regular and seriously none of us felt like giving anything to that guy. After collecting the cards he stood there so to make him go away a classmate took the initiative and took a 5 rupee coin out of his pocket and handed it to him. That guy placed it on his hand and asked for more. We all ignored again and the guy who gave the 5 rupee coin signaled that that’s all you gonna get buddy. The guy signaled in sign language what I believe to be, “Fitta mun tera zaleel insane” slammed the coin on the table and left. O.o Strange ain’t it o.O.

Nostalgic Quip IX

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on December 21, 2009 by Dev!l

This story begins with me visiting Hafiz’s home. It was early in the morning so Hafiz loaded us (Me, Bil and Imran) in the car and went to gourmet to get his breakfast and something for us to eat. Now, Hafiz wanted a fruit bun (It’s a bun with chunks of fruits in it) and unfortunately the bakery was out of them and only had your normal plain buns so Hafiz decided to go to another gourmet and we had to follow him (like we had a choice). So at the next gourmet he asked the same question and they were out of fruit buns too and had the plain ones. So, after fighting with the gourmet staff  (Hafiz did the fighting) we went to another gourmet. We finally found fruit buns at the fourth gourmet and went home. Now, after reaching home we sat down to eat what we bought and Hafiz finally took the bun in his hand… (The same bun that took us an extra hour to find!!!) and started taking out the fruit chunks out of the bun and started eating it stating, “I don’t eat the fruit chunks in the bun.”