Archive for the Rants Category

And the senseless rant continues

Posted in Rants on July 29, 2013 by Dev!l

You know what? I am dead tired of the intellectual morons of this nation. Too long have I tried long and hard to ignore and be the better person but quite frankly, stupidity knows no bounds. Yes, I know there will be those of you who would be going “Oh, keep yapping no one cares.” Well news flash sweety, neither do I.

In any case it is kind of ironic that I am willing to use the term “a nation” for a bunch of nitwits who call themselves everything but one. Apparently, we are everything from a Punjabi to a Lahori to a Karachite but a Pakistani. Quite frankly, it is the first country that I have seen where people discriminate on each other not on the basis of religion or the color of your skin but on your language. Yes we are just so cool like that.

Don’t get me wrong, you get used to being called as a senseless villager or “Punjabi dugga” (Punjabi beast) after a few years of training but one thing you can’t get used to is the sheer amount of love people throw at you. Truly the amount of love in this country is only surpassed by the amount of love KKK clan possesses for the African Americans.

Oh but that is not the only thing we should or are famous for. We are apparently great at cooking up conspiracy theories. Oh wait, I mean we are great at discovering the truth! Remember when they said, “Everything is not what it seems”? Well, that is the dogma of this great and glorious nation. Oh and before you think about presenting any facts to our faces, let me be kind enough to remind you “Facts are for fascist bastards!” My most favorite example for this just has to be a very famous theory about our current President. It is said that he used to sell tickets in front of the Bambino Cinema Karachi and after many years of corruption, he found his way to the seat of power. Quite frankly I am a fan of this story as it talks about a young man who was born into poverty and found his way to extreme riches with his will to survive! Way to go! Kudos! Only one problem though, the father of the president owned the Cinema, so apparently our president was born into a very poor family who owned one of the largest cinemas in Pakistan at that time along with a 10 canal villa. He was so poor that even his driver and servants used to sell tickets in black in front of that cinema! Way to go man!

Oh but the theories don’t stop there. In fact, even in letters published by known terrorists to Malala we tend to find the parts which make the terrorists sound like a better person! Yes, our conspiracy theories allow us to love! So shame on you Malala for letting people hate on someone who has killed dozens of people by his own hands! There is so much good inside him! BOO MALALA!

Yes, indeed we are a glorious nation! So open minded about religion and politics that we are always looking for people to challenge our opinions! In fact, we are so curious about any thought that doesn’t match our own that we just want to take iron rods and try to get into that person’s head… literally and you people have the courage to call us barbarians? Rubbish I tell you, Rubbish! Which other country have you ever heard of where minorities apply for asylum in other countries? They just can’t take our love! They know that we will just hug and kiss to death! Bloody western media having the nerves to call us religious zealots! All conspiracies I tell you!

Oh but wait don’t get me wrong, there are many liberals in our great country as well! Liberals who will debate intellectually on various hard hitting topics that plague our nation such as piracy and homosexuality. If that isn’t enough for them they will talk long and hard into the night about how a racial murder carried out in the US was wrong or justified. I mean, for a country whose 2/3rd population literally scavenges to find the basic human needs such as clean water, a solution to their hunger etc. or a country which is plagued by a corrupt and decadent political system, topics such as piracy and homosexuality are the main things to talk about. Why bother with people whose greatest possession is a goat or water that tastes sweet? Down to hell with them! It’s their own bloody damned fault that they were born in poverty! Let’s just organize our Model United Nations and talk about how we the kids of today can change the world tomorrow if we were the president of USA or something.

Usually people make fun of me for saying things like these but quite honestly I have met people in my various travels around the country that had it much worse. I have met with people who spend half of their day in search of clean water. I have met a boy who at the age of 18 had first time seen a banana. I have met with people to whom the existence of rivers is nothing but a myth. So yea, make fun of me all you want but the truth remains that we have failed as a nation. Our leaders instead of playing nice just love to put blames on everyone else. In a 5 year tenure, the only thing you get to hear is how the previous party had messed things up so badly and how they were the messiahs that were out to save us. Perhaps that’s why no single party has won an election twice in one row in Pakistan. Oh and before you start taking party names who have changed the nation let me tell you one thing, changing the outlook of the major cities does nothing! The above mentioned people come from all across Pakistan but then again what do I know? I am not someone who appears on TV, so my opinion matters as much as how wrong your girlfriend is during an argument.

So on that comical note, I would just like to say that we are nothing but people who are full of love, compassion and hope. We are the best we can be and that is what we will always believe. So, keep calm and let people like me talk to the walls.


A Blasphemous Post

Posted in Rants on September 21, 2012 by Dev!l

Dear Lord, forgive my soul for I am about to commit blasphemy… No, before you decide that I should be executed like a dog, the thing you should know is that the only holy person I am going to insult are the ones right now on the roads of my country spreading warmth and sunshine by lighting delightful fires by using other people’s properties as fuel.

Yes, this post is about the blasphemous video but no I am not going to denounce any evil any Christian or Jew did or how the Church even condemned their actions. The reason I am speaking about the glorious religion of the people of my country is to say that it’s not my religion. If killing an ambassador after he apologized on the behalf of his country on his own will is Islam, then I am not a Muslim. If going out on the streets and breaking cars, hurting innocent people and causing monetary harm to your fellow brethren Islam, then I am not a Muslim. If branding all Christians as the root of all this Islam, then my friends I am definitely not a Muslim! For my religion always taught me peace and prosperity and my Prophet (SAW) was the perfect example of it. It taught me to fight but always in certain boundaries. It taught me never to hurt innocent people. It taught me NEVER to kill a messenger of some foreign land after he brings an apology of the king.

Yes, I am a Murtid… Get out your fatwa’s and kill me for I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. I don’t want to live on the planet where popular social media pages with 50k followers promote the holocaust as the “righteous deed” and Hitler as a hero and nobody has a problem with it. I don’t want to live where people are so broad minded when it comes to religion that if you try to prove with a fact that what they are saying is not the way of the religion, they get mad as you don’t have a beard or can recite Quran back and forth from heart. Yes, that is the criteria for knowing your religion!

For those of you who are going like what the hell…? Well, my country right now is burning over the blasphemy video that some jackass produced in his backyard. Yes, we are such proud and religious Muslims that this thing demands our full response! We must pick up sticks and break windows and cars. I mean how dare people sit in cars? Don’t they know that cars are made on an automated assembly line that was patented by Henry Ford who was a US citizen? That makes them murtid as well! Die all people in cars!!! How dare people put windows on their shops? Don’t they know the popular method for … Uh, wait doesn’t matter they be murtid for having windows because we said so! DIE DIE DIE!

Seriously, if wishes came true I would wish for a gun with endless bullets so I can go out in the streets and shoot all of those bloody morons in the knees to make them suffer while they die. Then I would wish for their resurrection just so I can repeat the whole process.

Now many of you might be going like that many of those protestors are even kids. Well, yes kids are supposed to be innocent but the moment they step in front of a camera with pride while their city burns around them and tell with pride we did this in protest… They deserve to be taken to their parents and made to watch as we torture their parents!

I used to hate hypocrites; I don’t anymore because I realized that my entire nation is full of hypocrites. Why? Oh well if US starts violence saying that one Muslim did this therefore the entire religion is bad; that’s wrong but if we do it it’s all justified.

But wait it is all the fault of Jews and Americans! Everything is their fault… Wait someone just rung my home bell and ran away… DAMN BLOODY JEWS HOW DARE YOU!!! IT’S YOUR FAULT! So where was I? Oh yea, Jews and Americans! Everything is your fault! We are uneducated, illiterate, moronic and violent and it’s your entire fault!

Now a lot of you may say this is doing of illiterate Muslims but what is your answer to them when you get a text saying don’t stop Muslims we are winning? What the hell are we winning? Did we win last time when we destroyed so much and banned Facebook? NO! They don’t care because even if we ban them their major revenues are not generated from our countries! So yea, I know lets ban Google as a whole! It’s like saying, “Hey you insulted my family? Let me slap my own face… Yea, that will show you!!!”

Oh and before people start their Fatwa on me, I want you to take a moment and consider the alternative proposals by actual scholars to try out the blasphemers in the court. Oh sorry my bad… that was just stupid. I mean it’s not like the whole freedom of speech thing is in the American constitution and must be taken to court. Stupid me… You’re right… Proceed to kill me now.




Another Rant…

Posted in Rants on January 16, 2012 by Dev!l

Alright you know how in the past I have ranted on how a certain group of individuals that got on my nerves? Well, I never thought this would be possible but I found a certain group of people that really made me want to pick a gun and purify the air around me.

Honestly, I am really tired of the morons who think of themselves as the tutors of Albert Einstein. These jackasses can be found everywhere but the most common of them all are your plumbers, electricians, mechanics etc. I recently had the extreme pleasure of getting some work done by them and oh boy not even NASA scientists were that hooked on their jobs as these guys. They would not only do everything by first telling how badly the thing was made but then they would comment on how you were the luckiest guy in the world to have found them as they are the only ones in the world ever who can fix this problem.

Let me elaborate with an example: The washel in my flushing system broke so I got a new one. That one had some problem in it so naturally I went to get another one. Just to be on the safe side I consulted the resident plumber of the hardware shop to check the washel and after examining it with great scrutiny he said, “Sahab jee, washel tay theek hai per inhun fit kerna har kisi da kaam nae hunda, thuwaday kolun nae hona” (Sir, the washel is fine but not everyone can fix it. You can’t do it.) Yes of course I mean it’s a part straight out of the space shuttle Atlanta and you need a rocket scientist to install it, what the hell was I thinking of myself to find myself worthy to even touch a 20 Rs. Washel. May God forgive my sin…

Speaking of born geniuses there is another one, my generator mechanic. I really love how my mother gives me the immense joy by calling him every time when the generator stops working. Oh he is such an expert that he would comment on how the generator’s engine is about to blow up as it just gives out a little smoke when it starts in the winters… Seriously, I really wonder why these people not fall down more.

You know a lot of you might think that I am over exaggerating but seriously, haven’t you ever had a know it all, condescending friend who would add his valuable knowledge into every subject and would always be convinced that he is right? If not then seriously can you please introduce me to your friends? 😛

The only thing worse than them are the morons who believe them. I mean seriously, I couldn’t help but bang my head against the wall when my brother believed his car mechanic when he told him that his car’s temperature gauge fails if there is no water in the car. I mean seriously, who the eff would believe something so stupid -.- But no, the mechanic had a far greater logic that my puny mind could comprehend. Oh then there are idiots who would overpay these geniuses just to get something done. Seriously, if you don’t know how much something costs and are too lazy to do that perhaps you should ask someone who does or maybe I don’t know get off of facebook for a second and Google it? But no why should they bother, the mechanic is their childhood buddy with nothing but love in their hearts and would never even think of ripping people off.

A lot of you may be thinking that this problem is only fixated with people who are uneducated but no, this problem is even more common with the oh so literate lot. The only difference between the two is the “educated” person would be a lot more condescending towards you. Not only will he keep on yapping on and on and enlightening your mind with his theories but he would do it such conviction that it was he that had originally came up with the idea in the first place and some wannabe scientist/engineer ripped him off his idea.

I don’t know about you people but to all these ingenious chaps out there I just have one request, “Kindly, stop breathing my air thank you.”

Read, Learn and Educate

Posted in Rants on January 9, 2012 by Dev!l

Uh, something I wrote out of shear boredom. It’s published at my other blog, Static. Do read if you want. Its titled: Read, Learn and Educate

Screw Everyone II

Posted in Rants with tags , , , , , on December 5, 2011 by Dev!l

I did this quite a while back, but here I am back again with anger bubbling inside me forcing me to say what is about to follow. Before starting I would like to warn everyone that the language used will be severe and abusive. So, if you are one of those “OMG, he said a bad word” people kindly, leave this page right now.

Screw all the morons who would sit and criticize everyone and everything they can set their eyes at, yet would never have the courage to take the initiative themselves. Screw people who form opinions about things without even trying them. Just because you have a mundane soul doesn’t mean we want to listen to you, you egocentric moron. Screw those who would comment on how bad things are in their city and how good things are in another. More than half of them haven’t even been to any place near the places they whine about! Everything looks good in pictures you effing jackass!

Screw everyone who mutilates religion to get what they want! Screw everyone who doesn’t condone terrorism just because they think it is for a religious cause! God created everything; you have no right to kill those who are helpless! Screw everyone who are blind when it comes to religion. GO TO AN OPTICIAN AND A NEUROSURGEON YOU ASSHOLE! Screw everyone who make the religion difficult by getting into details that no one gives a damn about. Religion is something personal, if you fail to realize that then please stop breathing my air, you narrow minded moron! Screw the people who care more about their sects rather than their religions! Sects are there to make things easier for some, not for you to think of yourself as someone important. NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT WHO YOU ARE!

Screw those teachers who say they encourage questions but would insult anyone who asks them. Screw everyone who would change the topic instead of admitting he doesn’t know the answer! If it hurts your ego, then stop telling people to ask you effing questions! Screw those students who put up with such teachers instead of speaking out! Grow some guts!

Screw those who care more for their personal gains rather than the good of the society. If you have no moral fiber, it doesn’t mean you are right you egocentric asshole. Screw those who promote capitalism and refuse to pay more taxes. If you lose 1 million out of a billion it wouldn’t make you any poorer, you jackass! Screw everyone in the “Occupy Movement” who are there without any knowledge of the movement nor know the objectives of it! If you are there to whine about how “the man” kicked you out of your job, go back home and do it with your wife who hopefully would put an end to your effing misery with a gun! Screw the Movement in general for failing to have a single voice in general! Admit your failure and start over, you MORONS!

Screw all the bloggers who would write posts about how “the creative genius of our era” Steve Jobs passed away, yet won’t say a single word about the famines in Africa! People die there daily so don’t give me bullshit about how Steve Jobs changed the world. Perhaps one of those children who died there might have been greater than Steve Jobs ever was! Screw all those who think Steve Jobs is to thank for everything good that was ever made in technology; he had a team of scientists you morons! If he showed you an invention, doesn’t mean he made it!

Screw everyone who is a racist! Just because you are worth nothing in your life doesn’t mean others who look different are worth lower than you! It’s just you, you dumbfuck! Screw all those who polish their politics by being racists and blaming everything that goes wrong on other provinces! Just because you are an illiterate bastard who can’t handle anything correctly, doesn’t mean it’s the fault of other. GO DIE NOW YOU ASSHOLE! Screw everyone who endorse street gangs to gain power in their politics! You are a scumbag who doesn’t even deserve to live!

Screw the mindless assholes who say anything they want just to boost the ratings of their tv channels! Screw them for promoting violence and fear in the public to get more viewers! There are other ways to do so, you effing jackass! Screw the people who waste their time by watching shows that have no purpose! Screw the tv heads for approving mindless reality shows, there are other concepts than reality! FIND THEM! Screw the news reporters for pestering everyone they can get their hands on. If someone is sad, he DOES NOT WANT TO TELL YOU HOW HE FEELS AFTER HIS BROTHER/SISTER WAS KILLED IN A BOMB BLAST! GO DIE YOU EFFING ASSHOLE! Screw the effing morons who become mindless drones and recite scripts just to appear on tv! Appearing on tv once would not make you a celebrity, you shithead!

… No, I am still not done yet I feel much better… So yea in the end, screw all the mindless morons who would just read this in amusement and still won’t think of what is wrong with this world!

A Boring Physics Rant

Posted in Rants with tags , , , , , on October 27, 2011 by Dev!l

Well, I am back with somewhat of another rant but unfortunately this one is kind of scientific in nature. Yes, if you haven’t guessed it it’s about the recent neutrino controversy. Well if you were living under a rock, known as a social life then here is the short version: “Some scientists proclaimed that there are some particles known as, “neutrinos” who travelled faster than light.” Now, the term proclaimed is an important term to consider. It means it in no way was proved as many blogs stated! The whole experiment was and still is under scrutiny from the scientific community. Science as my teacher puts it is basically, “refutation and conjecture”. This was just a conjecture and would be further tested and then it would be decided whether it would be refuted or accepted.

The media has just hyped it up beyond measure. Fine, they said that is the result that we obtained after checking but they also said that we invite the whole scientific community to reconduct the experiment and verify or reject our results. That is what one scientist recently did by calculating the time difference in the neutrino’s speed from that of light. And the media went on frenzy again. Seriously, even if it explains the result perfectly: this is just another result which is still to be verified by the scientific community. Even though the scientists who did the research and who explained it are constantly telling everyone that this is just a result that needs confirmation but why listen to a moron with about 20 years or more in physics education right?

Wait, before I rant more let me tell you what are neutrinos. Neutrinos are particles which were suggested by Wolfgang Pauli to conserve the Law of Energy and Mass in the beta decay. Neutrinos are small particles that have a small mass and which are electrically neutral. So what if they travel faster than light? Well, they would void Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Yes, it is still a theory even after 100 years have passed. So what if they void the theory of some crazy old lunatic who looked more like a mental patient rather than one of the brilliant minds of this millennium? Well, the answer is simple: Einstein’s theory gave birth to many interesting principles and explained a great lot in particle physics. Yes, the theory does state that one cannot travel in time but it is not the only thing in physics that stops anyone to become a descendant of Dr. Who.

But would the media tend to look into that? No, because it would make things lose their hype. There is a principle, known as the Law of Entropy which indirectly states that one can’t travel back in time. The state of disorder of a system always increases so it is the belief of many in the scientific community that this law prohibits the travelling back in time. And it is a LAW not a theory. If you don’t know the difference between the two, well laws are something that holds under every situation and is general, a theory however is just a conjecture which is yet to be refined and doesn’t necessarily explain everything thrown at it.

So what was the point of this senseless blabber? Well, everything in science needs to be confirmed through a vigorous process and nothing in science happens overnight. A result obtained is analyzed by various scientists to test its validity along with any possible answers. So, seriously if you are going to write a blog about something please do some research before blabbering about something you have very little knowledge on.

The Whining Never Stops…

Posted in Funny, Rants with tags , , on September 15, 2011 by Dev!l

Before this article or w.e it is starts there is something you should know about me (No, I am not coming out of the closet and saying I am gay). The fact is I am a skinny guy and this somehow bothers my father a lot. So, to fix this problem (as he sees it) he forced me to join a gym. Now, recently my brother has grown fat specially… wait ONLY around the stomach area so it was a double deal: he gets thin and I get a little fatter and put some muscle into my scrawny (as dad puts it) arms. Sounds’ amazing doesn’t it? Maybe for you, definitely not for me.  I am the type of guy who prefers brain power over brawn power. To put it shortly, my philosophy is: “No pain, please no pain.”

But alas, my philosophy was something dad didn’t quite understand. So, in a matter of days I was “admitted” into the local gym with my brother. Now, the first impression of gym that comes to people’s minds is physically fit guys with 6 packs working out. However, that was not the case, there were guys but physically fit? Don’t know how. Almost many of them had huge muscles, a broad chest and a belly popping out of their body. Apparently summer time is their “weight gaining” time whatever that means. Now, the real funny part was that these muscle men would lift weights with ease but would start wincing at the slightest of aerobic exercises. I mean seriously, I saw guys taking every shortcut/wrong less hurtful routine when it came to aerobics and basic PT. Seriously, WTF is up with that? I mean that’s the only exercise I don’t mind doing or actually like.

However the torture began and each day against my will I am tortured. Yes you heard me! TORTURE!!! It is my theory that the place known as the “gym” was actually a torture chamber invented by Mussolini and Hitler to torture the people who dared to speak against them! The only side effect was that those poor, tortured souls that survived somehow got stronger… SCREW YOU GYM MAKER! You fascist Nazi!

Oh you think I would be done? But of course not! Not only that place is a torture chamber but they just have to make absolutely sure that you are suffering to the max by playing songs like “Baby – Justin Beiber”, “Amplifier – Imran” and “Barbie Girl – Aqua” etc. If by chance any good song sneaks past their “worst songs in the history of music” software by then the ears are too numb to recognize it and the brain categorizes it as a bad song. Perhaps this explains why I don’t like the new Rahat Fateh Ali Khan of the movie “Bodyguard”.

And the attitude on the people there? Don’t get me started, just because they have muscles they think that they own the world. Now I get the stereotype that why all douche bags are muscled people who just go around showcasing classic asinine behavior. Well perhaps I am being too harsh, some of the people are nice don’t get me wrong but still if you dislike a place you dislike anything that is remotely linked with it so yea, DOWN WITH YOU, YOU MUSCULAR PEOPLE!!!

Damn it feels so good to whine and let it all out!

P.S. This was just to let my anger out but still I HATE GYM but curiously I still love aerobics and PT o.O