All Jumbled Up

Posted in Uncategorized on October 15, 2014 by Dev!l

It’s kind of funny that how once we achieve something that we have chased so long and hard for, we just seem to lose all interest in that certain thing. I guess we all need unattainable goals and plans just to keep a sense of purpose alive. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t really feel any excitement as I uprooted my entire life and shifted to a new city, in a foreign land seeking something I wanted for as long as I remembered. Instead I felt strangely alone and afraid as I stood in a place whose customs, language, and people were unknown to me.

Now, I can just sit here and just fantasize that how great of a trip it had been but to be honest nothing really felt exciting enough. I was just feeling indifferent to everything but the astonishingly a’ la carte quality of airplane food that I had to swallow. Honestly, I still can’t understand how did they make the eggs, sausage and boiled potatoes have the same taste and texture but then again I’m not really a 5 star chef so what do I know.

In any case, I’m setting neatly into my new life here. Apart from the awkwardly obvious language barrier, nothing really seems all that different as I still find people looking at me weirdly (to be honest, this time they have different reasons) or minding their own business. That said, I do miss some things, like the luxury of picking up my phone and calling my friends over just for the heck of it or really being able to talk to other people but I guess for a loner like me it isn’t really all that bad.

In a lot of ways this place is exactly the same as my own country as people here also treat Physics majors with sympathy and shun them to the farthest place available from the main campus so they don’t contaminate the sanity of all the normal students. The campus itself is a ghost town and every now and then if you’re lucky you’ll be able to sight a fellow human being. That’s another case entirely that he/she will be too absorbed in their own equation filled world to notice you. The studies are somewhat the same but then again the night is still young and all the creepy crawlies have yet to emerge from their domains.

While what I have is something that many students would kill to have, I still can’t help but to think that if all of this was worth it. I left a comfortable life, with the promise of a white collar job and a lot of perks and people that I cared about just to work odd jobs and put myself through a grad school which may very well manage to get the best of me and leave me out to dry. But then again, I guess that’s human nature as the grass always seems greener on the other side, no matter how wonderful or shitty of a situation you’re really in.

I know most of these random ramblings make no sense and are very haphazardly jotted down but when one has a cluttered up mind, they just can’t seem to breathe a life into their thoughts and everything just seems way too jumbled up to make sense. In any case, this is just to give a vent to everything inside of me as of this moment and to finally be able to come to terms with new beginnings in life.


Some Jumbled Up Thoughts on People

Posted in Uncategorized on August 6, 2014 by Dev!l

Writer’s Note: It’s been so long that I have written anything worthwhile that I don’t even know where to begin. So just bear with the muddled up thoughts and muses of a jumbled up mind. As for my absence, well I would give an explanation by saying that I was away working on a story or something (though coming up with half a page finalizing the character details and squiggles doesn’t really count) but considering that no one really cares (also that I don’t have many readers) it doesn’t really matter, now does it?

Ever since I was a kid I was dubbed as a bit shy. Perhaps it was attributed to my inability to talk to strangers or the downright fact that I wasn’t very social to begin with. I still remember crying and screaming that I didn’t want to go, every single time that we had to attend a social gathering. Needless to say, it was a battle that I never really won. Though, I still couldn’t help but to try as this was my introvert nature. Of course, back then I didn’t really know the word “introvert” and even to myself I was a weird little kid with a lot of quirks and very little social skills.

Time passed and as I grew older, I got to know a lot of people who were like me. Some were less weird while others just raised the cuckoo bar to a whole another level (that’s another story that somehow I always managed to be the crazy one even to them). Since I was an “adult” now, I had to do a lot of social activities that I never really liked. These activities included attending certain functions which I rather have avoided or being in the charming company of some people who always made me imagine unique and fast ways to kill myself, while keeping a smile on my face and nodding my head.

It was then that I learnt that introverts made for a better company because unlike so many confidence exhumed extroverts, they didn’t really feel they had any right to instruct you on how to live your life. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good advice whenever I can get my hands on one but if you’re a person who’s meeting me for the very first time and you’re telling me what I should do with my life in the next 5 minutes, there is something innately wrong with that marvelous empty noggin of yours. I mean seriously, I never could (still don’t for that matter) understand that why people act like a major know it all. And to be quite honest, that’s saying a lot specially coming from a condescending jackass like me, who often acts like a know it all about various subjects with the people he’s close to. I know that I get on people’s nerves but I always manage to make it up by admitting when I’m wrong (well, most of the time at least). Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m a saint or something but honestly if people are going to act all saintly and go all Buddha on my life, shouldn’t they at least have the courtesy to know me for more than 5 minutes?

If these people weren’t enough, then there are the jackasses who think the fastest way to make someone comfortable is to joke around with them with their oh so sophisticated humor that can even make a 5 year old cringe up and cry for the existence of humanity. I know scientifically speaking, any point in this universe can be taken as its center but I honestly missed the class in which they taught us that we should always take that point to be centered around our existence. Sure, I rather be a bit more social so I don’t have to sit quietly and watch people make total fools (oh I’m sorry, I meant super amazing, awesome geniuses) of themselves and act all high and oh so mighty but every time I make a resolution to do so, people are kind enough to remind me what awaits me on the other side.

Sure, being an introvert sure has its shortcomings. Like for example, I rather spend my time alone than with most people that populate this lonesome planet of ours or things such as my inability to console people or to even take hints, flirt or even to say the right thing at the right time and what not. But I can surely live with all those shortcomings than to stand like a jackass and be the long awaited spawn of Buddha, Confucius and Kant combined. That being said, I don’t hate all extroverts as some of them are quite charming and articulate, and even though I might not always agree with them, I nonetheless respect them. Which is saying a lot considering that in today’s world you hardly run across people who would use the word respect and actually know what it means.

So what was the point of all this, random gibberish? Well, it was to share the point to not to be a jackass. Oh and if by some reason you’re a person who knows me intimately well, I would ask you to stop laughing by now because it’s not the pot calling the kettle black as I’m mostly a jackass is in a totally different scenario.

2013: A Review

Posted in Uncategorized on January 2, 2014 by Dev!l

To be fairly honest, I had no intent of writing anything albeit a few moments ago. The reason? Well, quite honestly, even I’m not aware of it. Perhaps it is to satisfy the feathery, halo carrying angel in me that I for one still am capable of feeling something or it may very well be a way to amuse myself by sitting back and observing how people react. In any case, this is somewhat of a tradition in which I look at my past year and try to get everyone updated just because you all are so very important to me that I really can’t fathom the thought of being left without a crowd in which I can be alone in.

Just like all previous years, this year started on a decent note. Everything seemed to be going my way as I was getting a track of my life and putting pieces of it together but then again, aren’t we all always doing that? Apart from the usual parties and hangouts, which I had so many of that I just can’t seem to care about most of them, things seemed fine. I managed to ace every test I gave and was on my merry way for further education abroad. At least, that is what I tell myself every time I remember it. Funny isn’t it? We try to falsify ourselves with hopes and delusions when we know that most dreams aren’t meant to be? In any case, just like all great movies, tragedy struck and my father’s brother was murdered in the allegedly “safe” city of Karachi. The reason? He belonged to a different province than the one he was in and he just couldn’t stand down and cower before the demands of a bully. Normally we call it racial discrimination but funnily enough, in my country we all are (almost) of the same color and the only thing that separates us are the lingual and territorial boundaries. We take it upon ourselves to impose those boundaries so fiercely that we hate anyone who is an outsider and then we have the nerve to call ourselves a “nation”.

In lieu of his death, I was made to decide on some rather important matters which made me nothing but a disappointment in the eyes of those that I held dear. It was then that I learnt that there is no such thing as freedom of will as our lives are never ours to begin with and how helpless we truly in are in fate’s grand design. Funnily enough blaming things on fate is something that is very human like, I guess I’m not so different after all but then again I learnt that when I was shown sympathy (or perhaps apathy) by those who did see me. I also learnt that no matter how things seem, what you want the most and no matter how likely it seems that you’ll get it, it just always is an inch away.

It was the time I thought that things couldn’t really get any worse but then they took another level of awesome when the man I looked up to all my life, whose morals I often emulated without thought suffered from a heart attack in a city miles from mine and his. While I should had been a nervous and emotional wreck, it was then I found out that I was inhumanely still reciting the voice of logic for some unknown reason. Ah but the icing on the cake wasn’t this but the fact that I was blamed to be a possible reason just right after I won the battle with myself that it wasn’t my fault. Guess that wasn’t a great time to be glad that even the strongest of castles can be penetrated.

As all things go, it goes without saying that I couldn’t really go abroad due to such events but I did manage to get into the top institutions in my own country. As a result, I did join one out of my own city only to find out that it was not something I could picture myself doing for the rest of my life. I tried my best to cope with the program but decided to jump ship as soon as the call from a more relevant field in another university came through.

Oh before you go and feel all sad for me, don’t as emotions should be wasted on people who give a damn, I for one don’t. Sure, there are times when I feel that things could have gone better or I could have had done better with my own life but even then I can just manage to ignore everything and take happiness in small things. Perhaps that is why my friends don’t stand next to me on the side of a busy road as I jump up and down singing songs. It’s rather funny, people don’t realize that the only cure from becoming insane is to be insane. The only way to function normally is to act abnormally. The only way one can live is to be able to look up at the world despite its cruelty and harshness, despite the vicissitudes of fate is to smile and smile big.

Considering everything, I still believe that the year could have had gone worse as one thing I have learnt is that no matter how dark things seem, there always is someone out there who has it worse than you. Sure, it may sound bookish to a lot of people but with an insane fraternity, some friends you can rely on and a hard shell you can just barely manage to pull it off. You can manage to look back at a total “shit-fest” (excuse me for not having a better word) of a year and still manage to smile as you manage to recall things like the fact that you graduated this year, or how much fun you had in an unknown city in those rare moments you did meet a friend, or how you actually managed to meet new people and be an intern at a place you loved, or how you came to value what you do have even more by being separated from it, or how someone you know could teach you that every taunt you ever faced for telling the truth even if it got you in trouble was all worth it by giving his life, or how uncertain and unpredictable life is yet we always manage to find something or someone for its random nature.

So why am I writing this emotional jibber jabber to begin with? Truth be told, I don’t know. I stand at a crossroad in my life and am faced with decisions that could potentially haunt me for the rest of my life. On top of that I am burdened with ill news that quite frankly, if true does scare me more than I will ever care to admit. Perhaps it is to give vent to all the hatred that has filled inside of me or perhaps it is to just look back at an awful year and smile as things could go worse still. No… It is to find a reason to smile by recalling all the fun memories even when they were few and far apart, it is to talk to myself and be able to hear back more loudly and boldly than I have ever spoken. In any case, it is definitely not for you (even though I could count each and every one who will manage to get through this article on my fingers) but for my own self. Oh wait I forgot, HAPPY NEW YEAR, if you do feel sympathetic don’t forget you can always donate to me =P I accept cash, cheques, gifts and even good free food =P So what are you waiting for, don’t be a jerk now 😛

And the senseless rant continues

Posted in Rants on July 29, 2013 by Dev!l

You know what? I am dead tired of the intellectual morons of this nation. Too long have I tried long and hard to ignore and be the better person but quite frankly, stupidity knows no bounds. Yes, I know there will be those of you who would be going “Oh, keep yapping no one cares.” Well news flash sweety, neither do I.

In any case it is kind of ironic that I am willing to use the term “a nation” for a bunch of nitwits who call themselves everything but one. Apparently, we are everything from a Punjabi to a Lahori to a Karachite but a Pakistani. Quite frankly, it is the first country that I have seen where people discriminate on each other not on the basis of religion or the color of your skin but on your language. Yes we are just so cool like that.

Don’t get me wrong, you get used to being called as a senseless villager or “Punjabi dugga” (Punjabi beast) after a few years of training but one thing you can’t get used to is the sheer amount of love people throw at you. Truly the amount of love in this country is only surpassed by the amount of love KKK clan possesses for the African Americans.

Oh but that is not the only thing we should or are famous for. We are apparently great at cooking up conspiracy theories. Oh wait, I mean we are great at discovering the truth! Remember when they said, “Everything is not what it seems”? Well, that is the dogma of this great and glorious nation. Oh and before you think about presenting any facts to our faces, let me be kind enough to remind you “Facts are for fascist bastards!” My most favorite example for this just has to be a very famous theory about our current President. It is said that he used to sell tickets in front of the Bambino Cinema Karachi and after many years of corruption, he found his way to the seat of power. Quite frankly I am a fan of this story as it talks about a young man who was born into poverty and found his way to extreme riches with his will to survive! Way to go! Kudos! Only one problem though, the father of the president owned the Cinema, so apparently our president was born into a very poor family who owned one of the largest cinemas in Pakistan at that time along with a 10 canal villa. He was so poor that even his driver and servants used to sell tickets in black in front of that cinema! Way to go man!

Oh but the theories don’t stop there. In fact, even in letters published by known terrorists to Malala we tend to find the parts which make the terrorists sound like a better person! Yes, our conspiracy theories allow us to love! So shame on you Malala for letting people hate on someone who has killed dozens of people by his own hands! There is so much good inside him! BOO MALALA!

Yes, indeed we are a glorious nation! So open minded about religion and politics that we are always looking for people to challenge our opinions! In fact, we are so curious about any thought that doesn’t match our own that we just want to take iron rods and try to get into that person’s head… literally and you people have the courage to call us barbarians? Rubbish I tell you, Rubbish! Which other country have you ever heard of where minorities apply for asylum in other countries? They just can’t take our love! They know that we will just hug and kiss to death! Bloody western media having the nerves to call us religious zealots! All conspiracies I tell you!

Oh but wait don’t get me wrong, there are many liberals in our great country as well! Liberals who will debate intellectually on various hard hitting topics that plague our nation such as piracy and homosexuality. If that isn’t enough for them they will talk long and hard into the night about how a racial murder carried out in the US was wrong or justified. I mean, for a country whose 2/3rd population literally scavenges to find the basic human needs such as clean water, a solution to their hunger etc. or a country which is plagued by a corrupt and decadent political system, topics such as piracy and homosexuality are the main things to talk about. Why bother with people whose greatest possession is a goat or water that tastes sweet? Down to hell with them! It’s their own bloody damned fault that they were born in poverty! Let’s just organize our Model United Nations and talk about how we the kids of today can change the world tomorrow if we were the president of USA or something.

Usually people make fun of me for saying things like these but quite honestly I have met people in my various travels around the country that had it much worse. I have met with people who spend half of their day in search of clean water. I have met a boy who at the age of 18 had first time seen a banana. I have met with people to whom the existence of rivers is nothing but a myth. So yea, make fun of me all you want but the truth remains that we have failed as a nation. Our leaders instead of playing nice just love to put blames on everyone else. In a 5 year tenure, the only thing you get to hear is how the previous party had messed things up so badly and how they were the messiahs that were out to save us. Perhaps that’s why no single party has won an election twice in one row in Pakistan. Oh and before you start taking party names who have changed the nation let me tell you one thing, changing the outlook of the major cities does nothing! The above mentioned people come from all across Pakistan but then again what do I know? I am not someone who appears on TV, so my opinion matters as much as how wrong your girlfriend is during an argument.

So on that comical note, I would just like to say that we are nothing but people who are full of love, compassion and hope. We are the best we can be and that is what we will always believe. So, keep calm and let people like me talk to the walls.

And there was hope once more…

Posted in Stories. with tags , on May 27, 2013 by Dev!l

He smiled at his good fortune. For even a person who was extremely bitter, the taste of ice cream still felt sweet. It was rather funny really; all his life he hated little things. He hated their existence. He hated how he would always notice them only to be dubbed as “observant” in a group of people whose existence didn’t concern him. He had so much hatred filled inside of him that it had started to ooze out. It didn’t really matter to him if people called him a cynic or useless for he knew his words held power. He knew that even without the course of any action, his words retained their power for they were often well thought out and meticulous but there were times when he spoke without thought.

Oh how he regretted those simple words he used to utter in his folly. He always tried to justify to himself that people should had understood him better but somewhere deep down in the shattered remains of his heart, he knew it to be nothing more than a bleak lie. Perhaps that was why people hated him so much. No one really bothered enough to take a stand for him, heck they didn’t even bother when he wanted to take a stand because for them, he was nothing more than a source of entertainment. An entertainer of sorts that they thought they controlled; someone who dedicated a good part of his life to certain puppeteers only to be churned aside like a filthy, torn ragged doll.

People always jeered at him. Some did it because they felt insecure in his presence while others did it as means of testing his limits. No matter what their reason was, he never cared. For him, the whole concept of society was nothing more than a sham. A sham orchestrated by the most cynical of composers in perfect unison. He wanted to stand up and play his own tune but every time that he tried, he was booed down and forced to sit.

He sighed as he took a spoon of the frozen chocolate dessert into his mouth. His luck was finally changing or so it seemed. It was rather funny to him how people used to smite him down, filling him with more hatred and then asking “Why are you so bitter?” He often responded the only way he knew how to: sarcastically but in his heart he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the words that escaped the confines of the prison that was his mind. He wanted to say he didn’t care about anything but he knew that would be nothing more than a lie. A lie, something which everyone around him excessively told as it was a necessity to feel alive. Each day they lied about their emotions, their feelings towards one another with a smile while he suffocated for the truth. Perhaps he had smoked so much poison that now even the cure to his diseases sounded nothing more than a pure fallacy i.e. another poison.

He licked the spoon like a kid as he stared at the ice cream before him. He wanted nothing more to do with people or big things anymore, for they had brought him nothing but pure agony. Even the sweetest of the heavenly delights of this earth had turned out to be nothing more than a sweet poison. Whatever he had touched in the past had turned to dust but today it was different. When he least expected it, when he had given up all hope, when he stared in the face of power cuts ranging for hours at a time, somehow his melted bowl of ice cream had decided to freeze once again. He could see the sun rising through his open window, life was good and hopeful once again… nothing could hurt him anymore for he had a whole liter of chocolate chip ice cream.  

Something on the Elections in Pakistan

Posted in Articles with tags , , on May 12, 2013 by Dev!l

For those of you who don’t know, elections have taken place in Pakistan just yesterday and now we all are standing in the wake of its repercussions as the victors are celebrating while the ones who lost are chanting “cheat” and “Only idiots and **** voted for the winning party”. This post originally is intended for apologizing to people who after the elections uploaded pictures of their thumbs (it has a mark put on it by the Election Commission to indicate that this person has voted so he/she may not vote again). In any case, I found that highly stupid and spoke out against it and the happenings but apparently was met with hostile answers as apparently speaking out against what you find wrong is apparently not good. In any case, this shouldn’t really concern you as it is mainly for those who actually know me in person.

My past few statuses and statements may have offended some people and I therefore apologize if I insulted anyone or their views. That was not my intention. I just spoke what I felt was wrong and I still stand by that. Sure, I could had done so without calling people stupid but to be honest that was just meant to add a little flavor to what would had been a very serious post otherwise. I in no way feel that I am superior to anyone on this planet as we all excel at something where others don’t. I for one recognize and respect that fact. Anyhow, I really don’t like speaking about religion or politics as people are usually very rigid and easily irritated when those topics come up. But, to be quite honest I just can’t stand and watch what is going on without speaking what’s on my mind.

… You wanted a new Pakistan? Lol, look around and tell me how do you hope to achieve that if you as a nation stand divided and fight amongst your own selves? Why can’t you see the silver lining that at least people expressed themselves and respect their opinions? Why is it that you must abuse to convey your point to someone? I really don’t understand, I thought we were all Pakistani’s but apparently we are everything but that.

You want a new Pakistan then why don’t you start making it yourself? Why don’t you start shunning the corrupt ways and actually try sticking to the truth for once, even if you know it will harm you. Why don’t you try educating someone in need for free? Why don’t you try compensating for your “third world” education by actually broadening your own horizons by reading books that aren’t in your syllabus for once? Heck, if that isn’t your thing you can always use YouTube to educate yourself. Oh but wait, YouTube is for songs only. What the hell was I thinking? Why don’t you try helping those in need without asking for anything in return? Why not help a stranger on the road without reason? Why don’t you actually start speaking against everything you feel IS wrong without abusing?

Now what I am saying may sound highly theoretical but truth be told, it is achievable. Sure people will call you whiny, crazy, pathetic and plain old stupid for doing so but remember your words are important. “For words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth.”

So please, I ask you to keep calm and remember we are after all brethren, we belong to the same nation and no matter where we belong to, who we are, we were all created equal and in many ways are still equal.

As for those thinking this is just another lecture, by all means carry on but for those who want to think, I beg you please do so. For if you are gracious in defeat only then can you be humble in the face of victory.

P.S. I for one am opting for my own “new Pakistan” by following whatever way I can and thinking of as many ways as I can as to help those in need and educate all I can. I have and always will stand by the truth no matter what. So yea, these words come after action.


Nostalgic Quip

Posted in Nostalgic Quips on April 16, 2013 by Dev!l

Normally I don’t like to blow my own horn since I’m so modest and all… Ok, yea I know I’m funny no need to cry about it. Anyhow, I may have had received some wicked compliments throughout my small, painful of an existence but honestly the best compliment given to me ever only came recently from a friend at a time when I really could had used a pick me up.

So my cellphone vibrates in the middle of the night and I see this message on the screen, “discussion about personality traits in Psychology class; Sir: ‘Kuch log aesay hotay hain jo logon ko observe kerte hain. apni surroinding se aware hotay hain. They pay close attention to how people behave and they enjoy it. Unke liye log tamasha hotay hain aur woh is tamashay ko dekh ker enjoy kertay hain’, first thing that came to my mind: ‘Waleed Khalid’”

(For those of you who don’t really speak Urdu or like me have a hard time reading crap in another language:  “discussion about personality traits in Psychology class; Sir: ‘There are some people that observe others and are aware of their surroundings.. They pay close attention to how people behave and they enjoy it. To them people are like a show and they enjoy watching this show.’, first thing that came to my mind: ‘Waleed Khalid’”)

This just reminds me of everything that I just love. So yea, thank you =P